Horny for the Quintessential Jew

God, I love hilarious sponsored links. A week or so ago I posted about one I'd seen while doing a search: "Katyusha rockets, whatever you're looking for you can get it on ebay."

Today, while searching Technorati I ran across this one:

"Struggling with masturbation? Jesus Christ wants to help you."

The fact that I was searching the word "masturbation" is irrelevant. But imagine my shock to learn that Jesus can not only join in, but can actually help. I now find myself wanting to spread the word, as well as my seed.

Actually, I've never needed any help at all with masturbation. Been doing it at least 35 years and haven't had a problem with it yet. In fact, it gets better with age. But the idea of someone helping me with it does allow my mind to run rampant with various exciting scenarios.

It certainly couldn't be considered cheating or infidelity with Jesus involved. Anyone else, yeah, but with Jesus you get the added benefit of immediate forgiveness and eternal salvation (not to mention a potentially hands-free wadshot).

And then, overcome with guilty thoughts regardless, I began wondering what txrad might think about a 3-way. I'm kind of into those long-haired dudes; two of them at once gets the heart racing. However, I was wondering if Jesus would mind showing up without the crown of thorns. Those could have a tendency to get in the way of certain things with the lights out. And the point is to blow a load, not bleed to death.

So I swallowed real hard and clicked the link.



Damn, damn, DAMN! Turns out, my 35 years of experience counts for nothing except to make me a professional sinner. And I've gone limp. Those holes in his palms would have been a major distraction anyway.