Go Stuff Yourselves (Up Your Asses)

Finally, eating contests are coming under scrutiny, but for the wrong reasons.

As Americans stuff themselves with turkey on Thursday, professional eaters will take center stage in a nationally televised competition, gobbling 20-pound birds in eight minutes.

While some shudder at the sight of contestants racing to devour food at a time when a third of Americans are obese, competitors just shrug.

"Doing it once in a while isn't bad for you, when you do it responsibly," champion eater Tim Janus said.

In my opinion, the obesity issue is a minor aspect. If these pigs discontinue their competitive consumption, that will do nothing to aleviate the obesity of others.

My issue with this idiotic practice is the unnecessary waste of food at a time when millions of Americans are not getting enough to eat. And somehow, the term "professional eaters" really grates on my one sole remaining nerve.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) reported that in 2005:

35.1 million people lived in households considered to be food insecure.

Of those 35.1 million, 22.7 million are adults (10.4 percent of all adults) and 12.4 million are children (16.9 percent of all children).

The number of people in the worst-off households (previously called “food insecure with hunger” and now called “very low food security” households) rose in 2005, from 10.7 to 10.8 million.

In the U.S., the International Federation of Competitive Eating organizes about 80 eating contests a year, including The Turkey Bowl, scheduled to air Thursday on cable's Spike TV.

Here's a tasty sampling of the vulgar excess. It should come with a disclaimer:

if you are squeamish, hungover, or feeling gastronomically unstable, I take no responsibility for whatever happens to you after viewing this.

Another disturbing aspect of this is the IFOCE supports hunger-related charities. How ironic, not to mention grossly insensitive. This ranks right up there with the use to cigarette taxes and gambling revenue to fund education, and big tobacco companies sponsoring healthy sporting events and supporting cancer charities.

And referring to these sick fucks as "gustatory athletes" is an insult to true athletes.

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This side dish is also served piping hot at Big Brass Blog

PS: Thanks, IFOCE, for trying to raise $100,000 for hunger. If you are successful, that's enough for each of the 35 million "food insecure" people to receive $0.0028571, just in case you're interested in the severity of the problem.