Monday, May 21, 2012

∅ None For Nought ∅

I am pleased to announce I will be hosting the first annual RadNil 2012 Conference in Austin, Texas over the weekend of 14-15 July, 2012 as a celebration of radical nothingness and an appreciation of all things zero.

Conference Objectives:

 (0) Providing a space within which to understand that while one may indeed be the loneliest number, we aim to do you one worse.

 (0a) That's about it.



I am committed to making RadNil 2012 as affordable as possible for no one. Therefore, ticket prices are set at zero and none are currently available, so don't whip out that credit card!

There will be zero panelists leading silent discussions of no consequence whatsoever. Food and beverages are deemed unnecessary and will not be provided. For an extensive PDF listing of all events* during this conference, click here.

Coincidentally, this conference does coincide with the RadFem 2012 conference in London. Some of you may be torn between one or the other. I would suggest if you are on the fence, please attend the RadFem 2012 conference because you'll be missing absolutely nothing here.  However, if you insist, and prefer to attend my RadNil 2012 conference by choice, or because you are among the ranks of those who are prohibited from attending RadFem 2012, please be advised that my conference also has attendance limitations and therefore you may have zero luck in either case.

Due to the nature of the conference, Jews will not be permitted to attend, nor will people of mixed races. Before I start getting complaints and protests for being anti-Semitic and racist (which I'm not), I would like to add that all cisgender people are excluded.  Gays, lesbians, queers, transgender males and females, protestants, Catholics, Jews, Seventh Day Adventists, Buddhists, Hindus, any and all followers of Islam, atheists and agnostics, and cyborg feminists are excluded as are musicians and other "artsy types." If you have dreadlocks, don't even think of attending.  If you are a poet with dreadlocks, you will be turned away before even parking your vehicle.   Annoying morning drive-time radio disc jockeys who are male will be castrated and then denied entrance, despite my non-violent ethos.  Children and babies are not allowed.  I also am prohibiting pets and that includes seeing eye dogs.  And that's OK because the vision-impaired are prohibited as well.

OK, I'll stop dragging this on and cut to the facts.  No one will be allowed to attend my conference. And it's not because I don't like you, or because I'm biased against you, or I don't understand you.  It would simply disrupt nothing and nothing is the whole point. 

Let me be very clear:  any attempts to divide this zero conference will be met with an absence of tolerance, and furthermore, empty wrath will be delivered upon you tenfold, if not twenty.

Don't feel slighted in any way whatsoever.  I am also #1 on the banned list from my own conference because I'd surely try to make something out of nothing.

Thank you for your support and solidarity.   Remember:  each atom in our bodies is 99.99999999% empty space.  So together we are a whole lot of zilch!




*Please note the screening of the film "Less than Zero" has been cancelled due to concerns that perceived negative integers could have the potential of upstaging this event. In order to honor the integrity of the conference, there will be no replacement film. In lieu of the film, 98 minutes of silence will be observed in a floatation tank.


 



4 comments:

sherry p. said...

druids?????

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I am washing my hair that day!!!!
Kiwigirl

Eric Wilde said...

I'm intriued. Can nihilists come? Will Ernest Hemingway be there?

Gledwood said...

If nobody attends your conference, at least you won't have to bother organizing seating, doing soundchecks... or sorting out any sound at all, for that matter... won't have to hire a venue... it will be quite easy to arrange, in fact I'm thinking of doing a conference like that too ;-)