Are Old Jewish Hippies All Crazy?

txrad and I just had an interesting conversation out on the Deck of Smokes.

I was talking about an account manager (ex-Jew, ex-Hippie, (well, sorta)) who is on vacation and I was thankful. She's crazy as shit.

And then I mentioned that this person reminded me of our boss at the jobbie last year. A Jew, maybe practicing, ex-Hippie (well, sorta) maybe practicing.

Then txrad proceeds to go on a rant about how she would send him confusing and convoluted email requests which ALWAYS resulted in the need to ask for clarification. And SHE'S crazy as shit.

Same here.

And I had a boss back several years ago with whom I am still friends. And she was Jewish (ex- sort of), and a Hippie, and cool as shit.

I left the position at that company five years ago to which I have now returned, and feeling a bit like an ex-non-Jew and a Hippie... not Ex-.

And I'M crazy as shit. It's all work-related.

Just How Smart Is Wall Street?

Anyone with half a brain has known for months that we're in a recession...

The evidence of a recession has been widespread for months: slower production, stagnant wages and hundreds of thousands of lost jobs.

But the nonpartisan National Bureau of Economic Research, charged with making the call for the history books, waited until now to make it official — and the announcement came on a day when the American stock market fell nearly 9 percent in a single session.

As usual, the "profit-takers" were to blame....

The sharp declines on Wall Street — the Dow Jones industrial average dropped 679.95 points or 7.7 percent — appeared more about profit-taking than the economy. Investors have long assumed that the country was in recession, and analysts said that after last week’s gains, including the biggest five-day rally in decades, a sell-off was to be expected.

Is it just me, or is this entire system just a tad bit, oh... how shall I phrase this without offending the sensibilities of my readers... fucked up the ass?

And speaking of which, weren't some investors fucked up the ass by these "profit-takers" who keep buying and selling like they were playing with Monopoly money? That's the thing I don't understand about the markets. When I hear that x trillion dollars has vanished from the markets in x number of months, I keep wondering, how does a trillion dollars vanish?

Oh, it's down there somewhere. Let me go down and take another look. Because I'm the dude.

I have a hunch the people getting fucked up the ass are you and me. Investors who don't respond to every blip every minute of the trading day. As if we had time for that. I didn't even know the market had plunged until I started writing this post. Sorry, but I was working too damn hard for my living.

Excuse the fuck out of me.

My 100-Cents Worth

The US Mint is working on another design in a series of the dollar coins which most people have never seen unless the have used a vending machine at the post office which dispensed an amount of change greater than a dollar.

Austin has been selected as one of the cities where the dollar coins are being aggressively marketed. I've heard a number of promotional ads on the radio for the coins. And all this strikes me as odd. The United States Mint has faced a steep uphill acceptance battle ever since is released a redesign of the $2 bill back in the 1970s.

The government is spending money to persuade people how cool it is to use the new dollar coins, and expecting them to go the extra mile to visit a bank and request them and spend them, only to have them tossed in the back of the till by merchants and ultimately returned to the banks where the process theoretically renews itself.

This is a foolish waste of money and it won't work. Furthermore there is an easy solution to this problem which would require far less marketing and would save us $318 million annually. Maybe.

The obvious logical solution is to phase out the paper dollar entirely which would result in dollar coins being put to use immediately. The paper dollars have a very limited lifespan of just a few months whereas the coins last many years thus offsetting their higher production cost.

Of course, konagod always like to stir the pot even more. I would utilize the $2 bills to replace the dollar bills. There are millions of them printed already, sitting in vaults. What a waste. And what's the point? Sometimes I think we like to print currency and mint coins just for the hell of it.

If a dollar coin and a $2 bill still don't provide you with enough spending variables, well, there's always the half-dollar which weighs probably twice as much as the dollar coins, and for some odd reason is still being minted.

Corn, beans and squash — the “three sisters” of Native American agricultural tradition — will appear on the nation’s one-dollar coins next year, in a design to be announced Friday by the United States Mint.

By the dictates of an act that Congress passed last year, the reverse side of the gold-colored Sacagawea dollars will bear a new design each year starting in 2009, as part of a thematic series showing Native American contributions to the history and development of the United States.

Another day, another dollar.

I Think I'm Going Bald

They didn't do this in r30.

This best rock band in the world just might be Canadian.

Take a piece of my mind.

Books for the Holidays

Looking for that special gift for that special someone in you life? Next time you are in Barnes & Noble, be sure to ask for this by name.

I don't know about you, but I could sure get into some battered testicles.

The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls has been hailed as the world's first testicle recipe collection and includes testicle pizza, battered testicles and barbecued testicles with giblets.

For the first time in my life, I'm actually turned off by the thought of pizza.

Crossposted at B3

The Machines Have Drawn Near To Our Home

I came here to tell you how it's going to begin.
Where we go from there is a choice I leave up to you.

Ask And Ye Shall Receive (With Some Elbow Grease)

My Thanksgiving weekend got off to a rather sour start late on Wednesday when I got an email from the dude at the roofing company who gave me a quote back in May for a new roof and replacement windows. He said he showed a balance due of $500 and wondered when we would be paying.

Yes, there is a balance due of $500. The guy who was here supervising the work during the summer installed the roof (excellent job!) and the windows... not so excellent. We waited quite a while for a broken bedroom window to be replaced and when it was, we felt it was not fitted properly.

I explained this to the guy and told him to come back out and investigate, plus there was still a lot of unfinished caulking to be done, and various other drywall repairs.

I haven't seen him since the summer. He did apparently call a representative from the manufacturer of our windows who contacted us and said he would send a guy out to check the situation. Several weeks passed and no guy. I called him back, and was told the guy had been on vacation and would catch up to us soon. That was probaby four months ago.

So, I got this email from head honcho wondering about his $500. I wrote him an email similar to this post, and attached some pictures. We have cold air seeping in around many of the windows which were not sealed properly. And it looks like shit. I bought a box of joint compound which I could use to repair this "job" as well as some caulk, but this is not my responsibility, and I'm glad I haven't started the project.

If "Bob" wants his $500, he can send someone out and do this job correctly. Because I seriously doubt he wants me giving his local Austin company the kind of bad publicity I'm prepared to do.

Here's just a sampling of the photos I sent to "Bob" today and asked him if I should be satisfied with the many thousands of dollars I spent on this project.

What do you think? Am I right or am I unreasonable?

This is the window in my bedroom... the one in which the frame is possibly bent as well.

This is a window in the living room. Minor repair, but should it be my responsibility to do it, while paying head honcho $500 for a job not completed? I don't and didn't expect them to paint it, just REPAIR it and I'll tidy up.

But the best has to be the window in the garage with that gap across the top of the window. Did they think we wouldn't notice? That it wouldn't matter because it's.... the garage?

And I haven't posted photographs of the various uncaulked windows where cold air seeps in. These windows were supposed to improve our energy efficiency.

I'm livid. Bob will get his $500 only if he sends someone out to fix this shit.

You want your $500? Come do your fucking job. Right, this time.

The Virtual Outhouse Is Open!

After two days of feasting I believe it's time for everyone to sit a spell. Purge.

How did you spend your day? Stimulating your local economy? Not me. I bought two items at a nearby hooch mart: tequila and some freshly ground, locally roasted coffee. That's it. No big-box retailers on my agenda today.

Friday Pussy Blog: Lazy Black Friday Edition

I made a quick run to the hooch mart this afternoon and when I got home, txrad was vacuuming the medallion. I just wanted to say that because how many people on the planet have come home and found such a scene?

The vacuum cleaner always has Sissy a little freaked out. She gets freaked by the sound of plastic shopping bags or the folding of paper bags. I found her in the living room wishing txrad would just shut off that contraption.

Meanwhile, Tater Tot was undisturbed on the bed. That is, until he heard my camera's tone when I turn it on. That woke him up because he knows it's Friday and that daddy is going to make him famous (again) the world over.

Bleak Friday

Ahhh yes. It's that favorite day of the year for retailers and those people just crazy enough to get up at 4:00 in the morning to go shopping, and those apparently are the lazy ones.

At the Best Buy store in Syracuse, N.Y., a line snaked past stores and around walkways on the second floor of Carousel Center a few moments before the store's 5 a.m. opening — about eight hours after some people near the front of the line had arrived.

This woman apparently has a towel fetish.

And there has already been a shopping frenzy casualty -- at a Wal-Mart naturally.

A worker died after being trampled by a throng of unruly shoppers when a suburban Wal-Mart opened for the holiday sales rush Friday, authorities said.

At least three other people were injured.

Wow. That just makes me want to hug a flag and sing God Bless America.

My Very Very Gay Thanksgiving

I'm starting to understand the opposition to same-sex marriage. My afternoon in the kitchen is proof that gays do indeed pose a threat to the sanctity of marriage.

The making of cranberry sauce went off without a hitch except for the contrary faces made by txrad at my finished product. You see, he's not much of a berry guy whereas I worship all berries. He likes the flavor of them but doesn't care much for the texture, especially if they have seeds like blackberries. But he'll eat some cranberry sauce tonight if I have to shove it in his mouth.

I started with this orange juice and brown Turbinado sugar concoction with some fresh grated ginger. This recipe is one posted by Minstrel Boy back in 2006 with an update today at Group News Blog in which I noticed he was using brown sugar, so I decided to give it a go. (Of course I fucked up and didn't use a wooden spoon as per instructions but... I'm a Taurus.)

Once that came to a slight boil I tossed in the bag of cranberries. In a few minutes you start to hear them squeaking and popping. I stirred frequently and they soon turn into delectable glop.

I added in the 1/2 cup of pecans which I had toasted a bit earlier, stirred, and then it was ready to pop in the fridge.

Beautiful and DELICIOUS!

Then came the pie dough episode. I did everything right and I'm sure my pie crust will be the best I've ever made. The only minor malfunction was that I used a recipe for a deep-dish pie and we have a regular pie dish. I poured the pumpkin mixture into the pie dish -- every last precious drop. I asked txrad to hold open the oven door while I moved the pie into the oven. After about two steps the pie filling began to roll back and forth and I heard a few splatters on the floor near my feet. So I instructed him to close the door and I retreated back to the counter to reassess the situation.

I got tons of grief over this along with insinuations that I was an imbecile. I gathered my nerves and made a second attempt which was successful without even one small spill. Then I began cleaning up during which time another round of squabbling ensued.

I had rolled out the pie dough on a marble slab after being told not to use the cutting board due to the grease in the butter. There was a small ball of dough leftover which I was using to wipe up excess flour. Oh, this did not meet the approval of my Virgo mate.

"You're smearing fat around," he proclaimed.

I said, "I'm using the dough to mop up flour."

"But your smearing fat all over the slab," he continued.

Then I mashed the dough between the palms of my hands to lock in the flour before tossing it outside for whatever varmint might want to eat it.

txrad was horrified. "Now both your hands are greasy! Let me get open the door. I don't want grease on everything."

"I'm about to pop you over the head with this pie dough ball," I retorted.

Then I started wiping off the marble slab with a sponge and txrad blurted out, "you need to use soap!!"

I was fighting the urge to say "pack your shit and get out!"

I should know better than to allow him anywhere near the kitchen when I'm doing any cooking. He can be highly critical when we go to a restaurant as he observes every motion of the staff and especially if he has a view of the kitchen area. I suppose I could have tied him up to the bed while I was doing all my feastly Thanksgiving duties.

All of this caused me to have a revelation late this afternoon. Gay couples cannot be fit for legal marriage because no straight couples EVER have such an episode in the kitchen. Heterosexual couples function in the kitchen as one -- we all know that is a fact.

I'm going to start calling him "collardhead."

Thankfully, my kitchen chores are done except for boiling the collards. txrad is in control of the rest of the meal.

If I hadn't already seen Home For The Holidays again just a few weeks ago, I'd be in the mood to watch it tonight.

Ummmm, Cranberries!

Cranberries are on my agenda today. Then I'll be making up a batch of Minstrel Boy's special sauce which happens to be one of the funnest things to do in the kitchen!

Tonight we're planning a big soul food dinner involving some collard greens I'll be plucking from the garden this afternoon, probably a macaroni & cheese casserole, black-eyed peas perhaps, and most definitely cornbread. And the cranberry sauce.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Punk & Shallow

That's what I used to call pink and yellow when I was a kid. At least one of my favorite colors. And maybe two.

innocence mission

The Honeymoon Won't Last

I admire President-elect Obama for his involvement in the economic arena, particularly since W is hunkered down in Hussein's spider hole, but this bullshit about $7+ trillion devoted to bailouts and the naive folks in and around Wall Street who keep staging rallies around Obama's speeches, is more than I can comprehend.

In short, I'd like to say we're fucked. I hope I'm wrong, but where the hell is this money coming from?

The Federal Reserve and the Treasury announced $800 billion in new lending programs on Tuesday, sending a message that they will print as much money as needed to revive the crippled banking system.

It's rare that I have a slight disagreement with Rachel Maddow -- i.e. "it is probably necessary to spend such a huge amount of money on this problem..." -- emphasis on probably. And if we actually have the money. And who is we?

Beware of shit hitting the fan soon. Don't stand in front of any fans.

And I don't think I'd count on China to bail us out of this one.

Life Could Be Worse | At Least I Don't Wear a Tie

But I am sooooo wanting to behave badly. My job is making me insane. Need humor... fast.

The Other Names Meme (for lack of a better post title)

From Bob, comes the Other Names Meme! Just what I needed after an 11 hour workday.

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names): Ann Winfred
2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad): Robert Vetau
3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name): Fawinf
4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal): Yellow Cat
5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live): DeWitt Austin
6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add “THE” to the beginning): The Green Tequila Sunrise
7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name): Wifa (not to be confused with WiFi)
8. GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie): Fudge Chunk Geneva
9. ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet’s name, current street name): Tater Tot Lauralan
10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on): Samantha Dirt Road

There you have it. I especially like the porn name.

A Church I Could Believe In

A church, right here in Texas, encouraging couples to have sex every day of the week. My God, once a week would be a delight!

Mr. Young, an author, a television host and the pastor of the evangelical Fellowship Church, issued his call for a week of “congregational copulation” among married couples on Nov. 16, while pacing in front of a large bed. Sometimes he reclined on the paisley coverlet while flipping through a Bible, emphasizing his point that it is time for the church to put God back in the bed.

“Today we’re beginning this sexperiment, seven days of sex,” he said, with his characteristic mix of humor, showmanship and Scripture. “How to move from whining about the economy to whoopee!”

Oh, but there's a caveat. "Married couples" are encouraged to get it on. Gay couples can probably go fuck themselves. That's my guess. I'm using the word fuck in one of its many other permutations here, obviously.

But it's a nice thought, being told by a pastor to go have sex to strengthen your relationship. But only those relationships which are deemed of value. The rest of us can (and will, in their eyes) go to hell.

I agree with Nina. I love Rio too.

Cash? What's Cash?

I rarely use cash for anything. I am a credit card or debit card guy primarily because I like having all my expenses payable at once when a statement arrives. I don't spend cash and I rarely write checks except for vehicle registration renewals, property tax payments, etc. Besides, checks are expensive and I'm amazed that so many people scribble those things out as often as they do. I may be on my 2nd box of checks since I opened an account in 1997.

Question of the Day:

When did you last use an ATM machine and how frequently do you use one?

This may come as a shock to some of you, but as far as I can tell, the last time I used an ATM was June 12, 2006. I track all my transactions in Quicken, even ATM withdrawals. That date actually surprises me!

Now granted, it does help that my mother occasionally slips $20 in a letter she sends me. But that cash is spent very slowly. I simply abhor the ATM fees which at a nearby machine runs $1.50 per withdrawal. If used an ATM once a week, I'd be paying $78 a year in fees! I can't help but wonder how many people use an ATM twice a week, or three times a week.

Ridiculous. And how much is a box of checks these days? I don't have a clue.

All I can tell you is I have about $120 in cashback rewards sitting in my Discover card account to use at a variety of online merchants. I should be rewarded for every dollar I spend, not charged for it.

Everyone Gets Their Visuals

Through some medium.

After that it's get it while you can.

I'll say it again, get it while you can. Sniff me out like I'm was... Roger Moore?

You know that I'm not good. And that's why you continue to come here.

Lick your lips as I soak my feet.

I Love Austin

Last night txrad and I went to a dinner party with some friends and after a little much-deserved pleasurable indulgence I brought up the subject of Arlo Guthrie. I guess because Thanksgiving is coming up and I am, if nothing else, a man of tradition when it comes to his Thanksgiving feast.

I was blown away when it became clear that no one among the six of us adults knew Arlo Guthrie or Alice's Restaurant except me and txrad.

I'm not sure if it was the discussion or the pleasurable indulgence, or a combination of both, but when I woke up this morning I was craving an Indian thali. We jumped the gun by four days and went to Swad for lunch. There was no Arlo Guthrie on the radio. But there was some weird Indian rap music playing at the restaurant. And we were seated near a group of orange-robed Buddhist monks who began chanting softly after they finished their meal.

I wish the vast majority of Americans had the benefit of experiencing life in a vibrant and multi-cultural city. (Going to lunch at a McDonald's staffed largely by people whose native tongue is Spanish doesn't count for much in the multi-cultural arena.)

Our lunch experience today, from the atmosphere and ambience, to the medicinal aspects of the spices used in the cuisine, was simply sublime.