Thursday, July 31, 2008

Five Easy Pieces of Meat

From Tart's Five Pieces of Meat, I offer my savory selections.

The rules, as laid out by Tracy, who actually tagged me originally and I just noticed. (Sorry, I don't get out as much these days due to work.)

"What five famous people would you want listed in the contract that your significant other had to forgive you if, you know, you just happened to meet them and you just happened to hit it off and they just happened to express interest in some hot, shallow monkey sex?"

Last Friday I promised to do this by Saturday afternoon. I don't believe I specified which Saturday though. (Hey, life is busy these days!)

I was wondering about one thing. To keep the playing field level, should I only select famous people who are gay, or just wing it on the off-chance that somebody I think is hot doesn't mind playing for the other team on occasion. There's a LOT of those guys out there you know!

OK, we'll go with that option. Besides, Alan Cumming really isn't my type.

1. Randy Harrison


I don't normally go for blondes. In fact I got burned by too many of 'em but I never resisted the temptation to bed down for the night when one stroked struck my fancy. If he never wandered my way, I'd even take his slut co-star in Queer as Folk:

2. Gale Harold



This rendezvous would get raunchy. That's pretty obvious. And I'm not sure I'd have the stamina for such an obvious all-nighter. But I'd give it my best shot.

3. Johnny Depp



I've had the hots from him since WAAAAYY back in the 80s. Not much has changed since then. He caught txrad's eye in 21 Jump Street and I was aware of the show at the time but not sure I ever watched it. Deep DEPP got me with A Nightmare on Elm Street and Private Resort, pretty much simultaneously. In the latter I seem to recall him sliding naked down a soap-slicked vinyl floor or something. That's exactly how konagod likes to do it.

4. Shaun White



Damn, this Olympic snowboarder is looking better and better. Imagine having sex with a guy wearing gold medals around his neck. Life could be worse. I can imagine our hair getting all tangled up during various positions and then having to cut the knots out after sex.

5. Jack White



I thought about including Rufus Wainwright and Jack Johnson. Consider them runners-up. (There are a lot of runners-up; Brad Pitt, are you listening?) But I had to get a musician in the mix here and I can't think of a finer candidate for a night of hot konasex than Jack White --- a man who has been in the presence of Loretta Lynn!

Sorry Meg, you can only watch. I might let you tape it.

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