Anxiety Realities

I used to have a lot of anxiety dreams related to college. These usually involved a sudden realization that two months had passed and I had not attended a single class. Then I'd be wondering if it was too late to go drop the classes before getting the inevitable failing grades.

Another one involved taking exams when I hadn't actually been to the class or opened the textbook. I'd be sitting there staring at the questions on the exam paper and feeling totally perplexed. (I swear, in one of my dreams, the professor had the audacity to ask, "do I know you? What's your name? I haven't seen you before." Truly embarrassing.)

In my dreams, I simply want to get up, hand in my blank exam and leave as quickly as possible. However, being the first to hand in a paper and leave usually implies that you are the self-confident asshole who knows all the answers. And I never wanted to call attention to myself in the classroom. So I'd sit there, pretending to contemplate possible answers where I didn't even understand the questions, and wait until one or two other students were done. I would then grab my paper and place it in the pile on the professor's desk before making a dash for the exit.

Although I haven't had those particular anxiety dreams in awhile, today I was having similar anxieties in my waking state, but almost the reverse scenario. I am in control of the questions, but nobody out there is giving me answers, either correct or incorrect. Life can be pretty sweet when you have 95% of the answers. I'm one of those people who feels like I am doing pretty good when I have 75% to 80% of the answers.

Sometimes though, all you have are a bunch of questions and very few answers. And those are the days in life when you just want to slither out of the classroom unnoticed and head to the nearest bar and get ripped.

All of this brings me to another question: do teachers and professors have anxiety dreams in which none of the students pass the exams, or in which none of the students bother to show up for class? Or do the professors have anxiety dreams in which they have failed to show up for class for weeks at a time?

(And in 2010, do they still have exam papers? Seems like we would have moved beyond that by now.)

Kona's High School Reunion

My high school reunion is today. For me and my graduating classmates, it marks 32 years. Hard to fucking believe.

I almost wish I was there. Especially if it could be like this.

Somehow, I suspect it would be way less glamorous.

And a tad fake with a lot of effort...

But if I really wanted to make it like 1978 never was...

I'm kinda glad I stayed home.

Tell kona all about your high school reunion horror stories!

Put On Your Radioheadsets

Time is warped tonight.

I have rediscovered Radiohead for free.

It's too bad they are trying to fuck with everything creative that I'm trying to do.

I keep selecting photos to upload and I get different photos when I upload them.

The evil fuckers have invaded my PC!!

Never mind. I figured it out. It wasn't them evil fuckers. It was simply incompetence.
Update: AHEM! Your host here would be advise to stay away from Photobucket while intoxicated. I had it open, but I was on page 2 or 3 of my album, and each time I selected the Thom Yorke photo, all I kept seeing appear on my Photobucket page was a scene from the yard or whatever. It was bumping the last picture from page one onto the the page I was on.



I'm gonna go there again.

Let Me Put It In An Art Format

This is txrad:

This is me:

What do YOU think is more real?

What Was In That Wine Last Night?

This definitely qualifies as an anxiety dream which I was having shortly before I awoke this morning.

I came home expecting to start painting the remaining rooms and the carpet-laying team was already here and were nearly finished with the living room. What's odd is that it wasn't even my house, but all my cats were here, including Samantha.

The carpet wasn't particularly attractive, but the backside of the carpet was a beautiful native American pattern like so many of the wonderful handwoven rugs I've seen in Santa Fe. I kept wanting to instruct the guys to flip it over.

There seemed to be dozens of guys on the crew because the open floor plan of the house was enormous. One of the guys was working nude. Some of them were even doing some landscaping outside.

I just kept walking around the house in circles unsure of whether I should quickly paint the baseboards in the bedrooms at least or just blow it off.

Waking up never felt so good.

I just remembered another brief dream I had earlier in the night. In my dream I woke up and walked into the living room and there was a black guy standing there with a guitar. Apparently it was ours and he had repaired it and was returning it to us. I know it really wasn't ours because our only guitar was also in the room standing in a corner. While the guy was tuning the repaired guitar, I grabbed mine and was putting it in the case and as I touched the strings, beautiful jazzy ethereal music emerged which perfectly complemented what he was doing. Even as I closed the lid on the case, the guitar let out another hum which was beyond description in its beauty.

I looked at the guy and said, "it's odd how things like that sometimes happen. It was like it was meant to be."

And then he left.

I Don't Like My Eggs Served Over Easy

And I don't want to Know why.

Quincy Jones

If we are going to evolve as a species, we have got to learn to play trumpet without risk of popping a blood vessel or suffering a stroke.

Perhaps Minstrel Boy can add something about trumpet players and strokes.

txrad is wondering if he should get another trumpet. He's worried about brain embolism.

Pot Does Erase the Brain

This is where that propaganda about pot erasing memory comes into play.

It doesn't make you lose your memory. It makes you forget what you are thinking while you are thinking it. And sometimes, that is a damn good thing.

Legalize pot. NOW!

There's No Room For You Here, Now Go Away

And I mean it, this time. :-)

It' snot fun

But thank God for technology so I can at least get in 6 or 7 hours of work at home. This allergy is making me mega-irritable. I finally took a shower this afternoon around 5:00 -- my first since 6:00 Monday morning. I was beginning to look rather unkempt. And considering how many times I turned my head to sneeze this week and blew snot into my hair, it was getting to be essential that I shower.

I went to the bed at 1:00 this afternoon to rest for a few minutes and almost immediately fell asleep and didn't wake up until almost 3:00. That certainly cut into any hope for a productive afternoon.

I had the weirdest dream. I was on some open-air transport vehicle which could travel over land and water. I was in an undeveloped foreign country with very rugged terrain and beautiful bodies of blue water. The driver of this vehicle was taking a group of us to some village and rather than take the road which would have required hours of travel time he took us over extremely rocky terrain -- a path rather than a road. It was very jarring. And then we treaded shallow water which was also very rocky beneath the water. Finally we entered a pristine body of water which stretched to the horizon on the way to our destination. Total travel time would have been about two hours but I woke up before we got to shore.

I really wanted to know where I was and where I was going. It seemed like a place I'd enjoy visiting.