Friday Private Parts Video Medley

Via a source who prefers to remain anonymous. This looks rather painful, honestly.

On a related note, the Korean penis fish:

The Fat Innkeeper Worm:

Size doesn't matter:

Method of determination (cajones don't count):

Faucet Shopping at Homo Depot

Sorry for the light posting. Today was the first day of a week long hiatus from work and I really tried to take it easy. I've been on the prowl for a new faucet in the bathroom and I think I have found The One.

Odors in Special Places and Less Bars in More Places

This is hilarious! Spray your ass, feet, cock, tits, pits, AND stinky vaginas! I can't believe I'm in this segment of the advertising business. Makes me love the United States of America, yes it does!

Via

I only wish I had the video editing talent of Pat Lee. Imagine the chaos I could stir up by doing work like this.

Via

Your Daily Veggies.... and some Freudian Incidents

Ever have one of those days where everything you see looks like a dick?

Why do I never find carrots like these at the store?

Via The Consumerist.



Anna Van Z over at Big Brass Blog has uncovered a rather odd jellyfish. If someone were to make a rubber version of that and sold it as a sex toy, I could imagine sales might be way up there. Looks... um, versatile!




And if I wasn't horny enough, my brother sent out this shot of a weiner being jammed into a tight hole. Lordy, I'll be needing me a cold shower soon. I don't even think a barrel of lube would have made that a pleasant entry.

I think I need some music to take my mind off all this stuff.

Ready For Action

Color My Pussy Orange

If you think this is another post about my cat, think again. It's a "BIG" coloring book for those who are a tad obsessed with private parts. So whip out those crayons, kiddies!

Rather than post the full photo to my Photobucket account, I'll just provide a link to Amazon which sells them. Besides, Photobucket has a history of deleting any of my pictures if there is any resemblance to male private parts.

These coloring books are available as his and hers.

I wonder if they are really available on Kindle as the page suggests. That would take all the fun out of it.

Via.

Sex Pole: How Often Do You Think About It?

Already. As soon as I typed the words "sex" and "pole" I was all over it.

That was a typo. Should be Sex POLL. See? I'm incorrigible.

I tried to take a nap today and soon as I started to relax my mind drifted to sex. Anal. Oral. Swapping fluids. 69. Doing it on a set of uneven bars.

Yesterday I took some Facebook quiz -- can't even remember the subject matter -- but one of the questions was "how often do you think about sex?" and I was shocked at the multiple choice answers. I swear one of them was ZERO. Or maybe zero to one. The highest option was six or more! Really? Just six or more? Like eight or nine?

I don't think an hour passes in a day when I don't think about sex 6-9 times at least (oh damn, there's that 6 & 9 again!).

If I'm around a group of gay guys I think about sex. Not because I want them necessarily (9 times out of 10 they are not my type), but I know we share a common interest: the love of dick. So how can I be expected to block that thought from my mind?

If I'm around a group of straight women I think about sex. Not because I'm attracted to women, but we share that common interest again.

Being in the company of lesbians makes me think about sex because I can't help but be relieved that we aren't in competition for the dick.

If I'm with a group of straight guys, I'm probably least likely to think about sex... unless one or more of them happens to be hot as hell. And then you can bet I'll be thinking about it. Fantasies are healthy. Dude, if only you liked dudes!

You would think a visit to the doctor would take my mind off sex. But the last time I had a physical I thought about nothing but sex. The doctor was hot and he stuck his finger up my ass. I'm supposed to NOT think about sex in that situation?

Certain pictures make me think about sex. I run across this one from time to time and it is most definitely a trigger.


Some road signs even make me think of sex.


We have wild mushrooms that spring up in the yard at certain times of the year and those get me pumped up for sex.


During every New Year celebration you can bet your tight ass I'm going to see a display that makes me want to experiment with something new and fun.


I can't even go out and do any gardening and getting in touch with nature without thinking about sex.


It's a bit of a wee little fella though.


Who doesn't love a festive parade? Well, some of those even make me horny.


I could travel the world in an effort to escape this curse, and I'd be thinking about sex in a souvenir shop.


Museums most definitely cause me to think about sex, and oh Lordy, how I wish I could touch the sculpture. Or sit on it. There's almost a thrill a day there for every day in February. How creative.



And despite the fact that I work in advertising, even advertising makes my private parts tingle. Want some cream with that coffee?



Is that an ad for coffee or underwear? Doesn't matter; underwear ads make me horny too. What a fine piece of masturbilia!

Soap on a Rope reminds me of the open communal showers in the college dorm, and we know what I was thinking then, don't we?


(Whewww, I can smell that shit from here!)


Even reading the name David Duchovny in print makes me want to go shopping for sausage. Music provides no respite either.

Reading this blog post makes me want to shag. Hell, I was thinking about sex when I came up with the idea!

But I digress.

So, back to the question, how many times a day do you think about sex? And be honest; I won't respect you in the morning if you lie.

I'll check back in later... we're having veggie burgers with fries tonight. So I need to go wash some potatoes.

Small Wang Contentment

I despise spam. Really. But once in awhile I'll get one with a subject line that cracks me up. Today was such a day.

Seriously? Why would I want that? That's so... 1950s.

I'm content with a small Wang, but thanks for the huge offer.

Not Really

I fucking HATE spam!

Certain Things Are Just Wrong

I was doing medical research today on ways to keep a prostate healthy and happy and products which might help achieve that state, and I ran across something quite disturbing.

Now I will have to doctor up and disguise this photo -- not to make it safe for work -- but to avoid running afoul of Photobucket's terms of service. You know, I've had issues with them deleting my photos of penis-shaped veggies so this one is going to require extra effort.

There. One dick in place of another. But back to the disturbing issue. Who in their right mind would buy a used dildo?

Later on I was reviewing comments for an anal douche product, which coincidentally also doubles as a pleasure toy for the shower, and I ran across this.

Nevertheless, "Ahmed" still gave it 2 stars. Must be a pretty good product.

And wow. Seven of 37 people found that review helpful? That's roughly the same percentage of voters who think the Bush administration was the greatest in the history of our nation. Says a lot, doesn't it?

Facebook Ads Spark My Imagination

This sounds great.

Does it involve dropping your inhibitions (and your pants) in front of a cam while doing odd things to your private parts?

Well then! Sign me up!

Oh... only the young and cute with six-pack abs need apply? Damn. Never mind; I'll keep my day job. Besides, it isn't so great if you can only work an hour a day, and having to skip a day every now and then.

Chili Peppers and Other Penis Envy Celebrations

[WARNING: May not be workplace safe, depending on your workplace.]


txrad went out this afternoon and harvested this for our beans tonight. Cute!

On a related note (sort of), my brother sent me a bunch of pictures today of some celebration. Maybe it's those crazy Japanese having what my brother called a "Cock Celebration." (In the event that Photobucket removes these photos as they did the last time I used the site to store them, I'll replace them in the morning.)

If anyone has any info on this festival, drop a link in comments. I don't normally like parades or anything of the sort, but I might be willing to travel around the globe for this event.

A penis so huge, it takes 20 men to carry it.

Cock to go, with a special dipping sauce?

Do these glasses make my nose look limp?

Teach 'em young in the ways of the world.

Good grief. Maybe this is a festival to raise ... um... awareness.... and combat a declining birth rate.

So we started with a chili pepper and we moved on to penises. I'll leave you with Red Hot Chili Peppers and penises.

Best of the West Indeed

I love cacti. Those are one of the things I love most about Arizona. Perhaps I have a dirty mind but this ad from the New York Times Sunday Magazine really got my attention. I usually just skip right over the ads.

It's probably just me. You know us gays guys are always, always thinking of sex. "Just For Fun."

See ya'll later. I'm packin' my bags. I'm gettin' a boner for a round of golf.

Yahoo Porn! No, Naked Mole Rat

While we are on the subject of seeing just what you want to see in a picture as opposed to what might actually be there, here's a classic example.

At first glance, I swear I thought this was an uncircumsized penis being tugged with a latex glove. (Granted, a rather gnarly one!) Alas, my mind is thoroughly in the gutter this morning.

'Tis nothing more than a naked mole rat.

As vulnerable as naked mole rats seem, researchers now find the hairless, bucktoothed rodents are invulnerable to the pain of acid and the sting of chili peppers.

A better understanding of pain resistance in these sausage-like creatures could lead to new drugs for people with chronic pain, scientists added.

Since investigative journalism is in my blood, I dug around and located a sample of the chili peppers from which the capsaicin was retrieved to conduct the tests.

Stop tugging your mole rat or you'll go blind.

For He Is Risen

Praise Jesus, I may never be able to turn on a light again without having an uplifting religious experience.



Come closer children, and ye shall see the light.

The one-liner potential is truly endless, not to mention tasteless. Whoever decided to market this product really should have involved a focus group for feedback.

From Jeff Fecke at Shakesville, and others. And I'm sure the list is growing.

Penis Envy

Mother Nature must have it. This is way more entertaining than a Mary and Jesus pretzel.

Remember these from last June's garden blog post? Nature keeps on churning them out.

Keep away from the potato peeler. Ouch!


Via my bruddah.

Kinky Kona Wants to Pick Your Brain

I thought this would make a fairly decent Question of the Day.


What was your earliest recollection of having a turn-on or sexual arousal?

Mine was when I was in grade school, and probably 1st or 2nd grade. I'd be on the playground during recess, and when the bell would go off for us to return to class, I'd start climbing one of the poles in the playground and I'd climb all the way to the top and hang on, waiting until the last child disappeared back into the school before I'd slide back down and return to class.

I think the reason I remember this is because of the feeling I had when I was doing it. I had no idea what the feeling represented at the time because I was too young. But I can remember the feeling precisely and it was definitely a form of erotic stimulation. I honestly remember how it gave me that funny feeling down in my private parts.

That's some strange stuff for a 7 or 8-year-old to experience but I kept doing it because I enjoyed the feeling. I think the drama of the ticking clock and being the renegade who was the last one back from recess probably played into the fantasy.

And a hard pole is good to find.

Abstinence Is a Virtue, But I Don't Have the Time

I found a pile of these in the men's room at work today, and later a guy was going around passing them out of a box.

Geez, we can't even fuck anymore without thinking about work. Thanks!

Hold On! Hold On!

If you are having to gamble to pay for education.

Aren't you just fucking yourselves?

The Scrotum Monologues

I am so happy. As a male (for the most part), I've felt rather left out when it comes to vile, nasty and obscene body parts worthy of censorship. But lo and behold, I do have a scrotum. And the appearance of that word in a children's book has set off an uproar. While it probably doesn't carry the same baggage as vagina, at least I feel us guys are making some progress towards equality now.

The inclusion of the word has shocked some school librarians, who have pledged to ban the book from elementary schools, and reopened the debate over what constitutes acceptable content in children’s books. The controversy was first reported by Publishers Weekly, a trade magazine.

The scrotum mentioned in the book is actually attached to a dog, not a human, but I doubt it would make any difference. We certainly can't allow our children to know that our body parts have names.

Pat Scales, a former chairwoman of the Newbery Award committee, said that declining to stock the book in libraries was nothing short of censorship.

“The people who are reacting to that word are not reading the book as a whole,” she said. “That’s what censors do — they pick out words and don’t look at the total merit of the book.”

Wendy Stoll, a librarian at Smyrna Elementary in Louisville, Ky., said: “I don’t think our teachers, or myself, want to do that vocabulary lesson.”

No, of course not. But you probably never had an issue with teaching a child about a "pee pee" or a "tinker bell."

Look! It's a nut sack!