Friday, February 27, 2009

Tot Loves The Dog Whisperer

This is just too funny to save for next Friday. Tater Tot LOVES watching the Dog Whisperer on National Geographic. He is truly mesmerized. At one point he was standing up and watching. His head bobs around with the action.

Friday Pussy Blog: Synchronized Pussies

Via Witchay Woman

Our woolly mammoth, Tiger, showing off his mane.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Feeling Very N.O.

I especially like the hippie chick with the joint about 3 minutes into it.

Legalized Dope in a Squirt Bottle

Well, not quite that much fun but almost!

I can't even look at this without salivating like a dog.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

You Should Learn When to Say No

Start two at once and allow for a several second delay. Have fun! That's why we're all here.

Stiff Love

I've had the Stiff Little Fingers LP Inflammable Material since Reagan's first term in office. It was given a prominent placement in the John Cusack film High Fidelity with the inevitable punch line delivered by a character in the film: "Is that the new Green Day?"

That cracks me up and is just a small part of what I love about that entire film. I dragged the LP out last night for a SWD (spinning while drunk) and was amazed all over again. Thanks to YouTube, I've now seen video of the band for the first time ever. I don't think I had ever seen pictures of the band, much less video! And it snags my jeans with barbed wire love. God, 1979 was a great year.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Another Perspective

This is Nancy Pelosi's breastplate next to Obama's ear.

Aqualung my friend. Where the livin' don't come easy.

Sitting on a park bench
eyeing little girls with bad intent.
Snot running down his nose
greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes.
Drying in the cold sun
Watching as the frilly panties run.
Feeling like a dead duck
spitting out pieces of his broken luck.

Sun streaking cold
an old man wandering lonely.
Taking time
the only way he knows.
Leg hurting bad,
as he bends to pick a dog-end
he goes down to the bog
and warms his feet.

Feeling alone
the army's up the rode
salvation à la mode and
a cup of tea.
Aqualung my friend
don't start away uneasy
you poor old sod, you see, it's only me.
Do you still remember
December's foggy freeze
when the ice that
clings on to your beard is
screaming agony.
And you snatch your rattling last breaths
with deep-sea-diver sounds,
and the flowers bloom like
madness in the spring.

Have a Fat One

Happy Fat Tuesday! I have the appropriate beads which also serve a function. I got this at a friend's birthday party a few years ago. And I did use the shot glass and I did get shitfaced.

Back when we had the tiles installed in the kitchen we couldn't use the kitchen overnight while the glue was drying. I couldn't get in there to fetch my shot glass so we used this one which I keep hanging on a wall in the office.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Various Marketing Bullshit

If you are going to sell your soul, music and/or reputation to a car company for advertising, you'd better be fucking driving that Hyundai and loving the shit out of it.

Yo-Yo Ma.
Billy Corgan.

I'm talkin' to the both of you.

And who the fuck drives a car like that anyway?

Bullshit advertising.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Friday, February 20, 2009

Quote of the Day

"Let's go dumplify."

--Guy Fieri


I always wondered how that guy Guy got the deal at Food TV. I think those judges knew they had a magnificent drug-induced contingent and they needed to pander.

Case closed.

Just make it
Just make it righteous.

The Virtual Outhouse Is Open!

God, is it REALLY Friday? And speaking of having a dump, I had to dump about $300,000 down the toilet today. Not literally of course. That's advertising speak for um... removing a client from the waves of air for whatever reason.

Drink up, and toast the last week of February! About all I can say is, thank God it's not leap year. I couldn't handle an extra day in this month.

Rock Out graphic via Nicole. ((((((HUG)))))) It just fits my mood precisely.

Friday Pussy Blog: The Supervisor Tot Edition

It's everyone's favorite supervisor in the office space. Tater Tot!

"HEY!!! Put down that camera and get back to work."


But on Friday afternoons, the supervisor tends to take life a little easy. Catching some rays.


A little closer...


OOPS! Caught me.

"HEY!!! Put down that camera and get back to work."


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Overworked Haiku

Been busy as shit
No time for reading the news
The blog shall suffer

In addition to my usual workload which equals about 1 1/2 jobs, I'm covering for another ass co-worker who is on vacation in Florida this week. Any posts will likely be short like the ones you've seen so far this week, or unintelligible due to intoxication, or both. Or neither. We'll see.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Whole Foods Must Miss My Whole Paycheck

There are two things I miss about going downtown to work: the people and Whole Foods being across the street from the agency where I worked. As for the people, well I've got the best of that lot as friends on Facebook. Not quite the same as seeing them everyday but it works.

No longer having easy access to Whole Foods is a pain sometimes. And I'll bet they miss me too.

In 2007 when I worked for almost 11 months of the year downtown, I spent $1,740.14 there.

Contrast that with 2008 when I only worked downtown for less than 10 weeks and spent $303.46.

And in 2009 so far? $0.00

And several hundred people were laid off from the agency in 2007. That's gotta hurt.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Kona The Gardener

February has been much warmer than usual and it has my spring fever popping out all over. Last weekend I cleared out this area outside the kitchen. There was an enormous rosemary which had engulfed a rather large Mexican oregano, killed that off, and only a few of those cactus pads could be seen peeking out from the rosemary.

A few months ago I removed a large oleander which was against the kitchen window. That was a major chore requiring a chainsaw to fully put it to rest. Now I want to create something nice in this area, and maybe add a place to sit, a bench perhaps, surrounded by flowers.

I needed to get quite a bit of compost to amend the soil so this afternoon we loaded up the Benz and trucked over to Natural Gardener to self-bag some turkey compost. A pickup truck would be ideal for these types of chores but I laughingly refer to the 1996 Mercedes as my "utility truck."

I can get six bags in the trunk and four in the back seat for a grand total of 10 bags. Not bad!

That's about 700 pounds of composted turkey poop, give or take 50 pounds.

The funny thing is, the car actually drives better with 700 pounds of compost in it. But that would be silly to drive around with that load, and not very fuel efficient.

That white bag in the trunk is a 20-pound bag of seed starter mix. I used all but a pound or two to get six different varieties of heirloom tomato seeds planted. If I get decent germination from those seeds (they are 2 or 3 years old) then I may need to plant some of them in this patio bed. We'll have far too many for the garden area.

Each row is a different heirloom, identified by the package at the end of the row.

I am excited and pleased with my productivity. So, how did you spend your Sunday afternoon?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Red Guitar

Japan are probably one of my favorite bands of all time, so be nice.

David Sylvian, in particular. Is holding a special place.

kona's saturday night austin tour

i'm not sure why I do my saturday night austin tour post title in lower case but that's the way it is and i am a man of tradition.

but this this a funny story. when i first started my facebook page i got a friend request from a few people here in austin. i had no idea who they are but i added them. networking and shit. a year later (now) i was pondering whether to delete them and just keep real friends. and then i was reading today's austin chronicle and saw an ad (from waterloo records probably) with a new release from randy weeks.

so i decided to feature a couple of youtube videos tonight of a couple of facebook friends. it's austin, ya'll.

Randy Weeks: "I'd Walk a Thousand Miles."

Sick's Pack at Ruta Maya...

And finally, Carolyn Wonderland, who happens to be playing a gig in Osaka this weekend. She didn't send me a friend request. But I just sent her one. Why not? And she's friends with Randy Weeks and Sick's Pack.

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Virtual Outhouse Is Open!

Maggot Therapy:

Friday Pussy Blog: Sleepy Tot Edition

Tot, waiting on the Friday night party to commence.

The Vegetarian Myth

I have referred to myself as a vegetarian for about 18 years. I also mock people who say they are vegetarian but occasionally eat fish or chicken. That's like a 2-pack a day smoker saying they are a non-smoker when they're in between cigarettes.

But the reality is that there are really no vegetarians or vegans. Those of us who abstain from meat, fish and poultry can, at best, describe ourselves as having a "vegetarian preference." Because if this gross-out op-ed piece is true, and I'm sure it is to some extent, we eat far too many flies and maggots. And more.
Tomato juice, for example, may average “10 or more fly eggs per 100 grams [the equivalent of a small juice glass] or five or more fly eggs and one or more maggots.” Tomato paste and other pizza sauces are allowed a denser infestation — 30 or more fly eggs per 100 grams or 15 or more fly eggs and one or more maggots per 100 grams.

Canned mushrooms may have “over 20 or more maggots of any size per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid” or “five or more maggots two millimeters or longer per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid” or an “average of 75 mites” before provoking action by the F.D.A.

The sauerkraut on your hot dog may average up to 50 thrips. And when washing down those tiny, slender, winged bugs with a sip of beer, you might consider that just 10 grams of hops could have as many as 2,500 plant lice. Yum.

Time for my breakfast muffin which I shall enjoy while trying to forget I read this piece.

Crossposted at B3

A Pricey Primate

Dinner at a fancy restaurant: $150

A first-class vacation to Europe: $15,000

Bringing a Neanderthal back to life: priceless $30 million
Possessing the Neanderthal genome raises the possibility of bringing Neanderthals back to life. Dr. George Church, a leading genome researcher at the Harvard Medical School, said Thursday that a Neanderthal could be brought to life with present technology for about $30 million.

I thought there were a few of those still around in the House and Senate.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


txrad and I just kissed. three times.

on the third time i got the pickle-ish kiss.


asked to explain, (I wasn't, but I will.) the first time i ever kissed was with a lesbian and i thought she tasted like pickles.

so my standard has always been that kissing must taste like pickles.

txrad thinks this is disgusting. i, on the other hand, think it's honest, non-disruptive, and interesting.

I'm about to have a veggie burger with tots.... and PICKLES!

txrad: "Where's my beer? I don't have a beer open?"

kona: "It's right there, camouflaged behind the ketchup bottle."

Night and day. If you heard this or read this, would you think we should have been in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"?

Mortals are imperfect too.

Packin' Heat for Jesus

Good grief. In these trying times, does Arkansas have no other pressing issues?
The Arkansas House approved a bill allowing concealed handguns in churches. The bill, which passed on a 57-to-42 vote and now heads to the Senate, removes churches and other houses of worship from the list of places where concealed handguns are banned. Currently, the only private entities where concealed weapons are banned are churches and bars. The bill’s sponsor, Representative Beverly Pyle, Republican of Cedarville, said she introduced the measure after a series of church shootings across the country.

Just what we need. MORE opportunities for church shootings. George Carlin would be so proud.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Yiddish remind me of German

despite being sung by pixies

hold my bones

but German reminds

me of Nazi-ism-ism

I'm a building jungle

Hold my bones.

Coitus interruptus

What a strange night. I went to a friend's 40th birthday party at the end of January and she gave out a box of cards she makes and sells to everyone attending.

I knew they had hearts on them but I didn't realize until I opened one that they say "Happy Valentine's Day" on the inside so I need to use them fast. I have three.

So I am sending one to my mother to thank her for all she has done for me financially. This isn't the one I'm sending to my mother.


And then I took a break to go see what txrad was watching on the tube. He has Foo Fighers in concert on Palladia and they happened to bring out Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones from Led Zeppelin whereupon Dave Grohl assumed his familiar position at the drums while his drummer came out and sang vocals on the Zeppelin song "Rock & Roll."

Jimmy Page would look 45 if he'd dye his hair black but I'm happy he goes for the gray rocker look.

This is funny because I was wondering what my mother would think about the Robert Plant & Alison Krauss collaboration. She used to come in my bedroom at 2:00 in the morning and point a finger at me to turn off the music (through my headphones) and go to bed. I was often listening to Led Zeppelin and she didn't really appreciate rock music.

Mr. Plant has come a long way and I wonder what she'd think now.

Funny how all this shit ties together.

Meanwhile, I'm praying for another Plant/Krauss collaboration.

Please read the letter that I wrote.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Just What We Need: Another Lieberman

This one is in Israel.
Television exit polls of three channels gave Kadima 29 or 30 out of 120 parliamentary seats and Likud 27 or 28. The right-wing Yisrael Beitenu of Avigdor Lieberman, which had been surging in recent weeks in the wake of Israel’s three-week war in Gaza, got 14 or 15, with the Labor party of Defense Minister Ehud Barak at 13.

Despite the long-running jokes about Israel being the 51st state, maybe it's not such a bad idea. The country fits right in with our own political electorate. Florida comes to mind.

Meanwhile among the more radically conservative groups in Israel, it has apparently become rather fashionable to blot out the face of Tzipi Livni who is running in the Kadima Party, because she is a woman. And women, you know, shouldn't show their faces.

God, what century is this again?

Monday, February 09, 2009

Tools for Communicating with Aliens

I only have eyes antennae for you....

From Wiki:
They are sensory organs, although the exact nature of what they sense and how they sense it is not the same in all groups, nor always clear.

RIP Blossom Dearie

Sunday, February 08, 2009


Madonna and The Police conspired against me. I shall have to dispense with one of them. Whmmmmm.. who shall I choose to dismiss? You! Crazy woman with your seductive pose and gay-friendly adorations.

A Williams-Sonoma Observation

I'm going to try and be nice here. If I ever bad-mouth a national chain I get the police trolls trying to rectify the situation. I like Williams-Sonoma. I really do. I spent close to an hour in there today examining just about everything. And this is the second time I've gone there with gift card in hand trying to find something to buy.

The first time I walked away empty-handed from that store as well as Pottery Barn where the card is also valid. Today I still didn't really see anything at Pottery Barn and decided to swing through Williams-Sonoma again, determined to buy something.

And I found two things, both recommended by txrad. This silicone mat for rolling dough or baking may come in handy since I have become rather fond of rolling out pie dough, and txrad may bake some cookies occasionally.

He also wanted this garlic press which, although apparently designed in Germany, is made in China and therefore should have cost about $8 max.

Question of the Day: Take a wild guess what we spent on these two items? Make a note of your guess in comments and then take a look at the sales receipt here.

Honestly, I don't understand how people can afford to shop at these stores. Not that there aren't some wonderful things in there which might be well worth the money spent. I saw a few chef's knives I would love but I already have a great knife set. There's just nothing I really need at the moment but these two items will get some usage.

I have a theory that Williams-Sonoma exists primarily as a wedding registry for people who want other people to buy them nice gifts. I would love to know what percentage of the clientele go there and buy stuff for themselves.

Yes, it's nice stuff. But there's no reason why a mom & pop hardware store couldn't sell the same stuff without the same price tag. And then I wouldn't be subsidizing mall rent in the Nordstrom wing.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

kona's saturday night austin tour

Tonight's stop is at Waterloo Records at 6th & Lamar.

Ruthie Foster did an in-store gig as part of a cd release party of her latest.

And I missed it.

Back in 2007 when txrad and I were both working at the agency downtown, we did get to see her do a quick on-the-air gig for KGSR from the rooftop deck of the Whole Foods Market which happens to be at the same 6th & Lamar intersection.

Carefully Targeted Advertising


Wednesday, February 04, 2009


Is when you have the Who playing on TV silenced

while playing Who's Next on the Plattenspieler.

And occasionally they do hook up.

And the moment is bliss.

I'm Cramped

RIP Lux Interior Update with obit

The singer for the Cramps has died at age 62. I held off for a few hours before posting this because I wanted to be sure it was true. It was a while before the Wiki entry was updated under his real name or his stage name. Normally that happens within minutes of a death announcement. While this indicates his death as today, I saw another blog entry which said he might have died last week. Whatever. He is missed.

I saw the Cramps in London during my 1983-1984 era and this photograph, which I found on the nets, could easily have been taken at that concert. Except that by the time they were wrapping up their set, he wasn't even wearing that little thingey he has on here.

I also visited his MySpace page today searing for validity to this story. It indicated he had last logged in on 2/4 and his current mood was "horny." Yeah, me too.

Rest in peace, you crazy fuck. Thanks for a concert I'll never forget.

My piece of flair from the 80s.

Gross Me Out! Gag Me With A Spoon!!!

Once in awhile there is a dreaded tapeworm situation among the felines in the family and today was just such a day. One was dangling over the edge of a patio chair. And our conversation went something like this.

kona: "Ewwww, there's a dangling tapeworm. Take care of that."

txrad: "I'm not touching it."

kona: "You don't have to touch it. Grab a stick or something."

txrad: "You grab a stick."

kona: "You've castrated bulls before; you can't deal with a friggin' tapeworm?"

No response. So I dealt with it. Gross. Reminds me of a song....

Tapeworm, tapeworm
Measuring the marigolds
Could it be, stop and see
How beautiful they are

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

To Quote Mel Brooks in History of the World, Part 1, "Politics, Politics, Politics."

Tom Daschle, you disappoint me. Same with Bill Richardson.

Have we no ethics or sense of responsibility?

Oh, a bullshit artist.

konagod grows increasingly disgruntled with each passing day.

Monday, February 02, 2009

A Dish Served Best Fucked Up

Last week I got the two Amy Winehouse CDs and was eagerly awaiting their arrival. My assistant at work gave me a $20 amazon gift card for the holidays and I wanted to be sure to spend it wisely on something I'd enjoy.

The CDs arrived and I plugged in Frank first. After about 4 songs, txrad came in making a sour face and almost demanded that I turn that "shit" off. "Are you ENJOYING that?" he asked.

No, I wasn't, but I bought the damn things and I will listen to them once. I took out "Frank" and put in the 5 grammy award-winning Back to Black. After about 4 or 5 songs I had to stop that one as well. It was simply getting on my nerves. I was devastated because I just knew I was going to be a huge Amy Winehouse fan and it wasn't clicking for me.

Then last night after significant amounts of tequila and some fine fresh herb of the Chong variety, I popped in Frank again.

I don't remember my exact words but it might have been something like "good Lord God Almighty this is AWEsome!"

Clearly, in order to fully experience Amy Winehouse and enjoy, one must achieve a similar state of mind.

Six More Weeks of Winter

So sayeth the ugly marmot.

On the contrary, our 10-day forecast has LOTS of 60s and 70s.

Things Which Ought Not Be Spoken

txrad, Sunday night: "I haven't had to clean up cat vomit in over a week."

Welcome to Monday morning:

And color-coordinated as well!

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Welcome to the Pain Fest 2009

Let your neck snap, boy. And then swing it back.

Help me, but don't let me deny it.

Because I need to be redeemed

to the the one I sinned against.

He's all I eve knew or loved.

I've gotta make a play

to make my angel stay

I'm feeling like a criminal.

A Post-Bailout Revamped GM

Yesterday I got a credit card statement with a few extra fliers in it, one of which was this little piece from GM promoting their all new fuel-efficient green technological marvel .... Hummer!

I mean, seriously, what the flying fuck? I don't know how else to respond.

Because the vast majority of Americans need this vehicle since we are constantly like, you know, driving in the woods and over huge boulders and shit.