Two Zero One Two - Here We Go!

I have been in the television advertising industry for nearly 22 years. I have been a data entry clerk and a VP of Operations. I have supervised a staff of 12-15 at my peak.

Half of my career has been spent in a managerial capacity during which time I spearheaded efforts to streamline agency operations. I know how to find ways to greatly improve efficiency resulting in a more pleasant "user experience." I have been the liaison between IT programmers and other departments in helping develop systems which allow more work to be done, and with greater accuracy, with the same staffing levels, and at the risk of sounding Romneyesque, sometimes with less staffing levels. And yes, I derived pleasure from it.

When I started in this business the amount of paper being used was unbelievable. The business of getting a broadcast-quality tape of an advertisement out to a cable network and on the air, as well as the subsequent tracking of effectiveness and reporting data to the clients, required a mountain of paper.

Back in the early 90s, media buyers (those who negotiate rates and arrange a schedule with national networks and local broadcast affiliates) would write up the schedules on paper forms. In a large agency with 10-15 buyers, these schedules would quickly become stacks of paper.

Buyers or their assistants would fax these orders out and then place the paper in bins. Data entry people would come and gather these stacks, take them back to their workstations and begin inputting the data on their DOS-based computers.

Requests for tapes to be sent would also be written up on forms and given to the traffic department. The traffic people would prepare a request, on paper of course, and fax it to the tape duplication facility.

In my branch of the industry, we were more about selling products immediately (think food dehydrators, miracle knife sets, or inflatable beds) rather than merely providing brand awareness for a client. This involved a need for toll-free phone numbers to appear in the ads which involved a need for large telemarketing facilities to handle the call volume. This meant more paperwork.

Media schedules would be faxed to telemarketers so they could plan their staffing levels based on when they would anticipate an influx of calls. Every morning the telemarketing company would return the favor by faxing over a shitload of call activity from the previous day.

The agency also had a staff to comb through this data and accurately attribute the calls to a specific airing of an ad on a specific station or network. My first job in the industry was to manually input this call center data from faxed pages which had been marked up with a pen by analysts. Media buyers and account managers would then print out stacks of reports in order to analyze the effectiveness of the media and make adjustments to future media as needed. Some even had weekly scheduled meetings to sit around a desk and read through these books together.

The process evolved to a point where the telemarketers would begin sending over data files rather than faxing the data. I worked with the IT department to design an efficient flow which enabled our system to take these data files and match up with our own data to automatically assign clusters to calls to specific ad placements. This was pretty cool in an era when we didn't even have email in our company, and if a fax machine broke down you were well and truly screwed. Imagine 3 or 4 people waiting their turn to fax out a stack. I've seen it and lived it.

[My sincere apologies to all the folks in accounting who have had their own mountains of paperwork. I didn't intentionally leave you out of this; I just think people reading this get the idea by now.]

The availability of email and office software began to flip this world upside down. From 1995 until around 2003 -- mind you, that's just 8 short years -- I witnessed my paper usage decline by at least 98% while efficiency increased by the same rate. In recent years I realized that many times I was still printing documents which really didn't need to be printed at all. It was habit coupled with the comfort of holding something tangible in my hand which would quickly become clutter on my desk. This clutter necessitated making file labels to keep things organized and neat, and insure that I would never see those particularly pieces of paper ever again.

Since 2008 I've made a conscious effort to stop all that. Files can be organized and stored on a hard drive. They can be easily retrieved when needed and I've never seen a brown ring stain from a coffee mug on any of these documents.

In the latter half of my career I have transitioned away from all the operations and management responsibilities to focus on what I love most: media buying and campaign management. It is far more satisfying for me than having to supervise the work of others, performing the dreaded annual reviews, being handed resignation letters because the employee's music career was taking off, having to begin the arduous interview process, or reprimanding an employee for pulling out a knife threatening a pregnant co-worker. Thanks but no thanks!

I get incredible satisfaction from making a few keystrokes and a minute or two later I've placed a $100,000 ad buy on a cable network. No assistant needed. No paper used. (At least not by me; I cannot vouch for what happens on the receiving end.)

I am extremely versatile or I never would have made it as far as I have. My experience is wide and varied. My career has taken me to several agencies with vastly different environments. The smallest had 2 employees when I started; the largest had over 500. Technology has allowed me to leave the cubicle environment, drop the commute, and work from my home which I have done for 11 of the past 12 years.

Thanks to so many similarities between the agencies (let's face it: after 20 years everyone eventually settles in to a similar set of procedures for doing the same work) I've never had trouble adapting to a new job. The longest was about 5 weeks at the aforementioned 500+ employee agency. I absolutely hated it during those initial weeks and then everything started to click. It was the peak of my career in so many ways.

After 2 decades in this industry, I'm pretty good at seeing trends and knowing when the waters are about to get choppy. I saw it in 2007 at the 500-employee agency when a large client (if you had an iPhone, you were signed up with that telecommunications giant!) announced they would be "reviewing" the agency at the end of the year. I expected the worst and had 6 months to prepare myself financially. In the end it was the bloodbath I imagined.

By the summer of 2008 I was fortunate enough to be rehired by an agency where I had worked at the beginning of the decade. Going back there was so easy because I knew the people, the systems, and the procedures. I told myself going in that it would be the last job I'd have before retirement. Well, assuming a steady course of business without any drama. You know what they say about assumptions.

Things began to slow down. I could see the writing on the wall and I knew some kind of instability was on the horizon.

During my career I have obviously known a lot of people. Almost all of my close personal friendships developed with people from my work. So when I started being coaxed to bail out and join a Dallas-based agency, I was reluctant at first. Despite the fact that I knew and had worked with 5 current employees of that agency during the course of my career, a number representing about 25% of the entire staff, it still was a difficult decision to make. Another job change, particularly one initiated by me, was not my preference.

However, the warning signs at my agency continued to grow and my workload had diminished significantly. After several phone conversations over two months with the Dallas-based agency, I finally made the decision to take the leap and I started there on March 28, 2011.

It felt right, and I thought it was a pretty cool testament to my reputation that I was hired without ever having an in-person interview thanks in no small part to the word-of-mouth recommendations from other employees there who had personal knowledge of my work experience and ethics. I still haven't set a foot in the Dallas office.

After my first week, I had already been handed a number of projects, mainly building media proposals for perspective clients, in addition to my media buying responsibilities. Frankly, I was startled by the volume of work being throw my way. Suddenly I was feeling utilized and needed again, and I was being stretched professionally in ways I never thought possible. But I thrive on that and enjoy developing efficiency procedures for myself which enable me to turn projects around more quickly and hand them off upon completion.

It was not an easy transition though. Six weeks passed and my personal adjustments to this agency were still a work in progress. I had surpassed the previous record five weeks of love-hate squirming before the waters calmed. By the time 3 months had passed, I was seriously wondering if I hadn't made a huge mistake in leaving the prior agency. Maybe job insecurity was something I could have lived with in exchange for having clear workplace communication and logical, familiar procedures.

Shortly thereafter, Hurricane Reality hit the shoreline at the ex-agency and 16 people lost their jobs. My instinct was still intact apparently. Any fantasy I'd harbored of returning, or kicking myself for leaving in the first place, quickly evaporated. To be fair and honest, there is no such thing as the perfect job environment. When I would sit down and imagine everything I didn't like about the ex-agency, it suddenly made the current agency look pretty good. (Big perk: no electronic time sheets to fill out.)

I still struggled for months. At the end of August I had received a job offer with a more generous salary and compensation package, and I agonized over that decision for days before rejecting it. Despite the passing of 5 months and still feeling a sense of being blindfolded while working, I didn't feel right in giving up and moving on again to the perception of another greener pasture. This situation would either improve or I would figure out a way to adapt.

It seems ludicrous that I was even having this adjustment dilemma. I have always thrived best in a smaller agency environment. Being one of two media buyers in my department makes things pretty simple. Business was heavy and brisk. New clients were coming on board. What more could you ask for?

The volume of work was such that we needed a third buyer. It wasn't essential, in my opinion, but helpful. In the event that one of us was out, the entire burden fell on one person. It wasn't impossible but it was a load for sure.

For me, the idea of adding this 3rd buyer was equally important in that it would force the opening of communication a bit more in addition to spreading out the workload. After all, if two of us are raising the same issues, that has to get someone's attention!

Barely a week or two had passed before I started to see warning signs flying about like arrows on fire.

Communication did not improve. Basic standard operating procedures did not suddenly materialize. Questions and suggestions continued to vaporize into the electronic ether. My workload and responsibilities started to disappear. The almost daily calls with requests for media proposals just abruptly stopped. It wasn't because things had slowed down so much. The work simply shifted to the new buyer. For all my years of experience and highly developed intuition, I didn't need a shitload of perception to notice I was suddenly being phased out passed over.

The rationale for adding a 3rd buyer was supposedly to lighten the load from the two of us doing the work. Another of those "arrows on fire" was when I realized the 60/40 workload split between the two of us evolved into more of a 60/30/10 split after the new addition. Gee, thanks! I no longer had an excuse for waiting until 5:30 to scoop cat shit out of the litter box.

It was quite clear that my issues and concerns were mine and mine alone. I could either drive myself crazy with the notion that maybe someday this agency would perform at the basic operational level as every other agency, providing clear directives, and create a sense of teamwork and camaraderie, or I could adapt and just learn to work within the framework of what was given.

As 2012 neared and finally rolled around, I made a conscious effort to stop feeling a sense of personal failure whenever I was given directive on a Friday to get something on-air or worse, off-air, the following Monday. Under such circumstances you do the best you can do and some factors are out of your control. But I was getting there. I had accepted the fact that suggestions at improving communication and streamlining processes were not likely to be entertained, that even basic minimal operational enhancements would be an uphill struggle, even if they made perfect sense in my mind. The lights would remain off and I could adapt to working in the dark, or not. So, darkness it was.

Earlier this week we finally got the long-awaited server upgrade. I was happy with any flicker of light at the end of any long tunnel. On Thursday I worked exclusively from my home PC while connected to their server -- checking email, managing my Excel documents, and placing media buys. I no longer needed the company-supplied PC to comfortably do my work efficiently.

I got all my work documents transferred from that PC to a public folder on the server and by Friday I never even needed to turn on the company-supplied PC. It was a rare breath of fresh air, a sense of moving forward into a new year with a newer way to work. Cleaner. Less clutter on my desk. I was even wondering whether I should box up the company PC and send it back or hang on to it as a backup just in case anything happened to my PC down the road.

I have boxed it up, along with the printer they supplied which I never have needed to use thanks to being 100% paperless in my work. What a contrast to the old days when I'd go through a friggin' case of paper every few months! This equipment sits in my kitchen ready to be carted off to Fed-Ex on Monday.

I marvel at the sleek and minimalist appearance of my workspace now. Emphasis on "space" rather than "work" because on Friday the 13th at around 5:05 in the afternoon, I was dismissed from my job.

At that moment, my access to the long-awaited awesome new server was permanently disabled. But hey, it was rockin' my world for a day!

The only reasons cited in my termination were "bad fit" and a "cultural" differences. Oh, the irony.

I can only hope when they sent out the email announcing my departure they utilized the industry-standard closing line of "we wish him well in his future endeavors."

Work used to happen here.

Questions having immediate answers:

Do I need to toggle my monitor back and forth between work and personal PCs? No.

Should I de-clutter and send back the company equipment I don't need? Yes.

Do I need to use a personal day to honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on Monday? No.

Do I need to worry if my lunch breaks run longer than an hour? No.

Should I alert someone in the office if I'm running late? No.

Do I need to scan my internet bill as a PDF and email to anyone for reimbursement? No.

Should I fret over dysfunctionality? Give that a rest.

Will I need to visit the Dallas office? Not in the foreseeable future.

Do I have any excuse for not resuming my Rosetta Stone Spanish lessons? No.

When will I be able to take some extended vacation time? Now would be ideal.

There Is No God. There Is Only Market Share.

A number of atheist groups are about to kick off a holiday ad campaign in an attempt to rally the troops.

The godless groups say they are mounting this surge because they are aware that they have a large, untapped army of potential troops. The percentage of American adults who say they have no religion has doubled in the last two decades, to 15 percent, according to the American Religious Identification Survey, conducted by researchers at Trinity College in Hartford and released in 2008. But the ranks of the various atheist organizations number only in the tens of thousands.

That is one reason for the multiple campaigns: the groups are competing with one another to gain market share, said Mark Silk, founding director of the Greenberg Center for the Study of Religion in Public Life, which is also at Trinity College.

“There’s a competitive environment for ‘no religion,’ and they’re grabbing for all the constituents they can get,” Mr. Silk said.

Relying on the largess of a few wealthy atheists, these groups are now capable of bankrolling efforts to recruit and organize a population that mostly has been quiet and closeted.

As a society, we may vehemently disagree on Democratic policies vs. Republican policies, hard right vs. hard left, fact vs. fiction, up vs. down, top vs. bottom, over vs. under, large vs. small, gay vs. straight, and God vs. godlessness. But if there is one true belief on which we can agree, it is the importance of market share!

We Are All Slaves to Corporations

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

For the last few days I've been in one of my pessimistic dark blue funks which have me just wanting to give the hell up on just about everything. Clearly, I'd be better off if I'd just stop watching Michael Moore films because they definitely trigger these feelings of despair. However you may critique his work, his delivery, his attempts to make a citizen's arrest at AIG, or whatever, the bottom line is that he is correct in identifying a huge problem we have in this country which ultimately will lead to our downfall. And if you disagree with that, well, you might be part of the huge problem we have.

I suppose it's very easy for most of us to ignore what's going on, and just ride the awesome wave of life, getting our gravy from whatever work we can find, buying fun shit to distract us, and just observing passively all the things going wrong here, perhaps hoping someone will fix it eventually, and hoping it never directly impacts us in a negative way.

Sometimes I desperately wish I could just turn off and ignore.

I'm at the point where I don't even want to write about politics, whether it's a politician talking out of both sides of their mouth, a Supreme Court ruling, or even a little piece of positive news, rare as that is these days.

As I sit here watching President Obama's approval rating dropping like a stone from the level of 15 months ago, I keep wondering what will happen in the 2010 mid-terms and in the 2012 election. And then I see a poll such as this one, and I simply get bewildered.

Nine in 10 Americans -- including a majority of Republicans, Democrats and independents alike -- think U.S. energy policy either needs fundamental changes or to be completely rebuilt, a new CBS/ New York Times poll shows.

Just 6 percent think only minor changes are needed to the nation's energy policy, according to the poll, conducted June 16 - June 20.

That sounds like good news, right? Isn't this what most of us wanted in the 2008 election, change? The kind of fundamental wholesale changes necessary to get us back on a sound track, and even completely rebuilding what is clearly broken. And it's not just energy policy. Most of us who voted for Obama expected that, as well as a repeal of DADT, the enactment of a strong ENDA bill, an exit from two reprehensible wars, closing Guantanamo, campaign finance reform, comprehensive health care reform including a public option, etc. I could go on but I think you get my point.

Had Barack Obama's campaign slogan been "incremental change you can believe in," I doubt there would have been as much hoopla surrounding his candidacy. "Hope" only goes so far...about as far as praying for campaign finance reform. Go ahead; knock yourselves out, but it's not going to change a damn thing until we change. And "we" don't seem to want to change. I mean, think about it. Obama supporters wanted all this change, and we didn't get it, and now there's a real chance Republicans are going to pick up a few dozen seats in Congress come November. I'm not going to write-off the White House to them yet, but you know damn well it's a possibility in 2012.

This really isn't a problem per se with Obama, or any other elected official. This is a problem with the American people and our expectations, coupled with an ignorance of how politics works, and who really has their grimy little paws on the strings of this absurd puppet show.

Campaigns and all their fancy slogans are nothing more than elaborate advertising campaigns and we are all too easily seduced by the promises of whiter whites, crispier chicken parts, easier housecleaning, and more bars with fewer dropped calls. The reality is that someone is usually taking us for a ride, and we're paying their expenses. Maybe we should just sell naming rights to the White House and all the monuments in DC to the highest bidding corporation and be done with it.

But back to that CBS poll I linked to earlier. Here's our other problem, and until we can come to terms with it, we are never going to experience the kind of change we expect and demand.

Moreover, nearly half of Americans -- 45 percent -- would support an increased tax on gasoline to support the exploration of renewable energy sources such as wind and solar power. But most people -- 51 percent -- oppose such a tax.

So, 51% of us want all this change, but we think it needs to come without a price and without any effort on our part. A majority of us -- slim as it is -- don't want the inconvenience which is often necessary for progress. I can't help but wonder if these are the people who want all taxes removed from fuel and everything else.

Go ahead, drive your cars with untaxed fuel until the roads and bridges start to crumble. I don't want to hear your complaints when a bridge falls into a river. I don't want to hear a peep from you when you hit a pothole and you spill hot Starbucks on your crotch. Eventually, a corporately-managed toll road will come to your rescue. Enjoy your ride.

And I'm going to stop wasting my time on hope until that other half gets their fucking shit together.

To those of you who voted for "hope" and "change" and are dissatisfied right now with the direction of the country, and you think swinging back to the Republican Party is going to make it all better, you either have a short memory or you're incredibly stupid naive, or both. Stop believing in slogans. Life is more complicated than that and requires a hell of a lot more effort to find the truth. And when you find the truth, you ain't gonna like it very much because the system is not going to be fixed by putting an X next to a name in a voting booth or on an absentee ballot; it's going to take an uncomfortable revolution to fix it. And frankly, I'm not sure when 51% of us are going to have the cojones for it.

Today In Woman Hatin'

Shakesville's Melissa, in her eternal quest for exposing misogyny, stumbled upon a really insidious piece of work today! I shift shit you not!

So, I guess we're meant to understand that an essentially disembodied woman's torso is also a Philips accessory that can be enjoyed anywhere, anytime...? Swell.

Too bad. I had a Philips television I really liked that I may have replaced with another one. But I guess they don't want my business. Fair enough. I'll take it elsewhere.

Hit the play button and her legs move!

There's a word for it... um, I think it's a woman doing yoga, an active health-conscious woman on the go, but always ready to answer an email, or Tweet. But she's essentially reduced to a disembodied torso. Oh, the horror!

You know, if that's all it took for me to get upset enough to rid myself of possessions and wage a boycott, I probably would be living in an empty house.

If that Phillips ad sets the standard for misogyny these days, you'd think violence and discrimination against women simply don't happen in any kind of blatant way.

But what do I know. This fine example of boycott-worthy advertising would have flown by me completely unnoticed had I not been alerted.

That is all. You may now resume your other daily activities.

How 'Bout That Projection System!

Well done, Sabrina!

Icanhasinternets has a list up with 25 Horribly Sexist Ads. I'm not sure I would categorize the Sabrina ad as "horribly" sexist. And I'll confess: it took me about 5 or 6 seconds to get the "joke" because my gay eyes didn't zoom instantly to her perky breasts. I just saw a woman and proceeded to read the text, expecting to find blatant sexism there. And when it finally hit me, I laughed. So sue me.

But any of you would have to admit it's more humorous than most of the others. Some of them are truly horrible, even disgusting. This one actually makes me angry.

"Woe be unto you!"??? What the fuck?

As I stare at this, I just want to see her get up and smack that asshole in the back of the head with the heel of her shoe. Several times. And being vintage doesn't cut this ad any slack whatsoever.

I wonder if the man or men who created this ad were amused with their "creative brilliance," chortling and backslapping each other for a job well done. I wonder if this was common behavior in their own homes, to treat their wives like dogs who peed on the new carpet.

Everything about this ad creeps me the hell out, right down to the dude's suspenders and argyle socks. Bleahh. I think I'm most bothered because this attitude and behavior isn't vintage. Domestic violence is an ongoing daily problem.

Check out the rest of the 25 Horribly Sexist Vintage Ads if you feel so inclined.

At least Sabrina genuinely seemed to enjoy her work.

1975 Farrah Fawcett Flashback

Check out the "full array of instruments," and Saturday bonus pussy for your enjoyment.

Sumptuous!

The Power of Twitter (and Irony)

After spending more than a few minutes this past weekend and yesterday playing around with Twitter, I still wasn't seeing the allure. I understand how it can be used for networking as you can put in keywords such as "microbiologist" which brought up 5 tweets from just within the past 2 hours. Useful. But I wasn't seeing the real power of Twitter.

After taking yesterday off from work, I arrived at my desk this morning and started checking office emails. One was marked urgent.

I am in the television and radio advertising business, and many of you know. And there's a wee bit of irony in the fact that I handle a network that is no friend of the left, and I'm about as left as you get.

I had placed an ad campaign to start yesterday on that network. As is usually the case, I was given a list of networks on which to place a buy, along with the time period. I immediately recognized the time period as being a program which is ridiculed on an on-going basis for being extreme. I made a mental note to check with the account manager to see if she wanted to reconsider, and then promptly forgot.

The urgent email I received this morning was asking me to "get out" of said program. Apparently the client was getting bombarded with emails protesting their sponsorship of the program, and the Twitter was abuzz with noisy tweets after a blogger who specializes in protesting sponsors of this show had posted about it.

[I apologize for being intentionally vague about the specifics here but that link should shed some light on all this.]

My questions about the usefulness of Twitter, and its power, were answered.

While I was in the process of relocating the client's ads to other programming, I noticed another client which had been placed in the same time period yesterday by my backup. (This was an "oh shit!" kind of morning!) That campaign wasn't scheduled to start running until May 31. So I got that one moved out as well. I learn fast!

Much to my surprise, this additional client was also listed on that blog under the tab labeled "Remaining Sponsors." Since the television ad hasn't even started yet, I couldn't figure out why that client was on the list. I emailed the blog owner -- very discreetly using my konagod address -- to inquire.

Shame on me for being so focused on what I do -- primarily television advertising -- that I forget this guy also has a radio show and a website, both of which are being sponsored by this 2nd client. Kudos to the blogger for being as good and thorough as Maude Lebowski's doctor. But as I don't have anything to do with radio endorsements or website banners, I've done all I can to protect client #2 from the wrath of tweets.

Twitter suddenly has my respect and attention.

Alice With a Hammer at the Cooper's Bar

Just because you don't see or hear much about Alice Cooper, that doesn't mean he's not maintaining a busy lifestyle.

Clever Germans.

Super Bowl Gets Focus on the Family Ad

I guess when times are tough, you drop your standards a bit.

Focus on the Family, a Christian family-help organization based in Colorado Springs, Colo., has purchased one 30-second ad that will run in the game, and anticipates no frowns from CBS, which is slated to broadcast Super Bowl XLIV from South Florida on Feb. 7.

The buy may come as a surprise to veteran Super Bowl watchers who recall headlines about sexy vegetables cropping up last year after NBC turned down an ad from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals that showed women in lingerie placed in suggestive positions with pumpkins and asparagus. CBS earlier turned down a similar ad for its 2004 Super Bowl broadcast as well as one from MoveOn.org that bashed President Bush. The network and its rivals have espoused a policy of not accepting ads that are inflammatory.

Focus on the Family is known for taking a pro-life stance and valuing marriage as an institution for opposite-sex couples.

CBS knows what Focus on the Family stands for and has approved the script, said Gary Schneeberger, a Focus on the Family spokesman. CBS understood "there are folks who ideologically disagree with Focus on the Family in some areas,"

The article goes on to mention that the script isn't "anti" anything. Of course not, because it probably would not have been approved, and the organization must really be feeling the need to get some message out there however benign it might be.

The organization's ad will feature college football star Tim Tebow and his mother, Pam, sharing a personal story centered on the theme of "Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life," according to a news release from Focus on the Family.

And we know what "family" and "life" they are celebrating.

The Drive-Thru Diet

I can't not laugh at this.

Want to lose weight? Forget exercise, even the kind you get from parking your car and walking into Taco Bell. Instead, use the drive-thru. Reaching out to grab the bag must burn some calories!

Thanks, But No Thanks

I'm a rambler and a gambler and a sweet talkin' ladies man I'll take my chances without corporate pollution injected into me.

This Is Not About Obesity and Sodas Are Not "Food"

I have been seeing this advertisement, placed by Americans Against Food Taxes, every night on cable networks. It grated on my nerves the first time I saw it and I get more irritated with each subsequent viewing.

This fictional mother and her kids are shown driving through a neighborhood where families might be struggling to put food on the table, a foreclosed home, and then an "out of business" store front, finally arriving at her nice 2-story home in a well-to-do neighborhood, while driving a new car. I just don't buy the premise that she is indeed concerned that "those pennies add up."

I simply smell a Republican or a Libertarian who likes things just the way they are and has whatever selfish reasons for being opposed to a tax on sodas. If the average American soccer moms with the 2 1/2 children and the lovely homes on a bucolic suburban street are genuinely concerned about paying a soda tax, I'm quite sure they can find painless ways to offset the tax. How about adjusting the thermostat on the air conditioning one degree, or reducing the time the kids are slurping those sodas in front of the television by 30 minutes a day. Unplug a few gadgets in the house which you rarely use. Not only will you more than offset the soda tax, you'll be reducing your carbon footprint. Perhaps I'm asking too much.

The advertisement might have been more effective if the fictional family appeared to be living near the poverty level, driving a 15-year-old car, or taking the bus because they have no car.

On the other hand, perhaps it would be less effective because we don't really care much for seeing poverty in action. And some, including me, might wonder why a family barely squeaking by would be squandering money on sodas in the first place.

Another gripe I have is the way the soda tax proposals are being framed as a way to reduce obesity. Yes, it might work in a few instances, but that is clearly not the point, and it's a bad marketing move. It would make far more sense to frame it as a way to curtail tooth decay.

The fact that sugar-free sodas would be exempt also chaps my ass. The point of the tax is to raise billions of dollars in revenue from a non-essential product. If you are adamant against the tax, you can choose to opt out. And you know what? You'll be better off if you do! Sodas are not part of the food group pyramid and they have no positive health or nutritional benefits, even of they are sugar-free and caffeine-free. (At that level, I argue, what's the fucking point?! The only thing that isn't a big fat zero is the cost of it!)

Nevertheless, people with the financial means to buy sodas would continue to do so -- especially the addictive sodas with the caffeine -- and many people who are struggling financially would probably drop these unnecessary purchases. Many probably have already. And they will not suffer as a result, even if they cannot afford healthy, all-natural fruit juice. Why? Because there's absolutely nothing wrong with drinking water.

If we are serious about finding creative ways to pay for health care reform, or any of the dozens of other urgent needs in this country, we're going to have to buckle down and realize there is no free ride. We can do this in a variety of relatively painless ways, pennies here and pennies there, with all of us in this boat together, contributing in our own ways for a huge societal benefit, or we can fight and argue against any and every tax, regardless of how much or little it might affect us personally.

I am steadfastly against sales taxes on essential grocery items: dairy and soy products, grains, bread, beans, fruits and vegetables. However, we could makes huge strides in achieving and paying for universal health care by placing a small tax on non-essential items: processed foods, items packed with artificial flavors and colors, and candy! In doing so, we as a people would be promoting healthy responsible behavior while still allowing people the freedom to buy crap, if they can afford it. For those who can't afford it, they shouldn't be buying crap foods.

Whatever route we choose to go, you can bet your ass someone with a vested financial interest, particularly at the corporate level, isn't going to like it, and they will fight it. We must resist those fights.

Progress doesn't just happen; it requires an investment. It isn't free, nor is it cheap. But it is essential if we are to survive and prosper in the long run.

Most Irresponsible Advertisement of the Day in a Long While

The disclaimer in fine print, which you can barely read when you see this commercial airing on television says, "Professional driver on closed road. Do not attempt."

After some of the unprofessional driving I saw on open roads yesterday while driving 23 miles to a restaurant, I'm wondering why they don't just show professional drivers driving responsibly. Clearly, too many people take this shit literally. It might as well be an advertisement for texting while driving.

Or it could be a liquor advertisement showing a drunk driver crashing through a plate glass window with the disclaimer, "Drink Responsibly. As long as you don't kill anyone, it's fine to drive drunk."

Yeah, right. Mercedes-Benz, you and your ad agency have disappointed me.

Heineken????

"Fuck that shit! PABST.BLUE.RIBBON!!"

As it turns out, Frank Booth was 23 years ahead of his time.

Sales of PBR are up an astounding 25% this year, according to Information Resources Inc.

[...]

"It's an anti-establishment badge," added a major market wholesaler. "It seems to play to the retro, nonconformist crowd pretty well."

Tasteless Advertising

Aw, jeez. Sometimes it isn't difficult at all to determine if the creative geniuses behind an advertisement are heterosexual males. I would vote to fire the ad agency but someone at Guss' must have thought it was money well spent.

Now I'll confess I am no stranger to penis humor when it comes to vegetables which actually look like a dick. But I laugh about it and move on.

Next time, you adolescent creative-types, save your budget and go find a horny 15-year-old boy to design your ad. You might get the same amateur result. Meanwhile, I'll stick with Gundelsheim Barrel Pickles, the delights of which have never resulted in this queer having a blow-job fantasy with a woman.

Sometimes a pickle is just a pickle. Sometimes a bad ad is just a bad ad.

Via.


Oh, it gets worse. In the marketing gone haywire arena, there's the pole dance for the kiddies! I shit you not.

Chillin' with the KKK

An advertising agency in Belgium has created this ad to promote just how "relaxing" the Luxor hot tubs can be. Hmmm. I don't know about the rest of you but I don't find this relaxing or appealing. In fact, it's kind of disgusting.

Click to embiggen.

Via.

What the fuck is a royal diadem?

I'm sorry, but this serves what purpose? I just see natural shit. Completely devoid of this lordness. But Good God does it inspire those simpletons who buy into it like a kid with a nickle in a 1930s candy store.

This is the mentality guiding YOUR health care debate. You can choose to sit back as if observing a circus, and you would not be entirely wrong, or you could engage yourself.

Think.

Odors in Special Places and Less Bars in More Places

This is hilarious! Spray your ass, feet, cock, tits, pits, AND stinky vaginas! I can't believe I'm in this segment of the advertising business. Makes me love the United States of America, yes it does!

Via

I only wish I had the video editing talent of Pat Lee. Imagine the chaos I could stir up by doing work like this.

Via

Early Effective Fear Tactics

Now that Karl Malden has died at the ripe old age of 97 (way better than 50!), I ran across this old AMEX ad today. Remember this?

When he says "pick-pockets" I swear it sounds to me like he was saying "fick-fuckits."

I not sure some popcorn in my face would preclude me from feeling something sliding against my butt cheek, but it does happen. In all my months of traveling through Europe, I've never had my wallet pulled from my pants. I did, however, have someone enter my hotel room in Los Angeles while I was sleeping and make off with my wallet which was on my nightstand.

Guess I should have carried American Express Travelers Cheques then. Or better, just hidden the wallet.

At least they used a blonde white guy in the ad as the thief and not some brownish gypsy. Clever of them. I wonder who their ad agency was at the time?

Most Outrageous (Sexist) Marketing Gimmick

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