Sunday, August 10, 2008

My Least Favorite Event

There are several sports in which I have zero interest. Basketball being one of them. And honestly, I don't get the world's infatuation with soccer. I was watching some of that during lunch at a restaurant today, and frankly it's about as exciting as staring out the window.

But neither of those can approach my least favorite event of all: Weightlifting. It gives me a hernia to watch these people and the palms of my hands literally sweat. I don't like it. And I'm not going to watch it.

Caption this:



I hope 3 billion people can't see that I just shit myself.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

The Massage and a Red Wine Vinegar Starter Kit

I scheduled some time at 1:00 this afternoon with Seventh Sister for a massage and body work. Starting a new job, even one working from home, brings along some stress and other baggage and I needed to get that worked out. The last work I had done was in April I think, and that was prior to me starting the 9 1/2 week gig downtown at StressCity. And the first week or so at my home-based job wasn't without some intensity. So I needed some work done.

I've been a fanatic about massages since I worked in Santa Monica. I'd try to schedule time at the Burke-Williams Spa once or twice a year and get myself worked over. I never minded getting naked under a sheet and letting a stranger massage me because I knew I'd probably never see the person again anyway unless I went back a year later and happened to have the same masseuse.

You see, I'm a little self-conscious about human contact. Not sure why. It took years for me to get comfortable just hugging a friend. When I was a teen, one of my classmates was commenting about how pale I was and as she tried to put her arm next to mine to compare, I recoiled as if she was going to bite. So yeah, getting to the hugging phase was a big jump for me.

That being said, I'm not as bad as txrad. He was supposed to go with me today and get a massage. It was initially his idea, but that was under the influence of alcohol a couple of weeks ago.

Whenever I think of txrad getting a massage, I think of Alvy Singer in Annie Hall.
I never shower in a public place, 'cause I don't like to get naked in front of another man...I don't like to show my body to a man of my gender.

I knew it! It wasn't because txrad was concerned about our finances; he had about $1800 in dental work done yesterday, uninsured. txrad doesn't like to show his body to anyone of any gender! And I'm not crazy about the idea either, but a massage is like going to the doctor. You have to cast aside most of your modest proclivities and let them do their work.

I really like to focus on nothing but my breathing while getting a massage. I try to become a rag doll and let them fold me into whatever origami shape will make me feel better afterward. I don't think I've ever experienced pain or discomfort while being massaged and today was no exception. Perhaps if I were focused on the work being done I might think, "oh, that was intense," but by maintaining my concentration on my breathing, the work becomes something happening in the background, and it's all good.

Needless to say, when I got home, txrad asked me how it went. I told him it was wonderful. I felt intoxicated immediately after the massage. My brain had turned to mush and I could barely initiate sensible speech.

On the drive home I felt as if I were out of my own body, light as the wind, and just going with the flow.

txrad asked, "did she make you get undressed?"

At this point I knew where this was going. She didn't MAKE me get undressed but I was asked to take off my clothes and get under the sheet. Part of me was hoping she wouldn't because this was not an anonymous masseuse in Santa Monica, but a friend and fellow-blogger. But the wiser part of me knew I had to get with the program because if I wanted an effective massage, I couldn't allow my modesty to interfere, not could I focus on it or stress about it during the massage. That would defeat the purpose.

So I answered his question. "Yes, she did. And I had some major knots in my butt cheeks."

I sometimes like to get txrad wound up. But seriously, I am amazed at how all the body parts and problems are tied together. I've often had problems at the base of my spine and just below it... my "butt bone" as I call it. But I don't think I've ever thought of my ass cheeks as being muscle tied in with everything else. A deep butt cheek massage is something you can feel in your neck, legs and feet. And you should.

I don't like getting a massage on a full stomach so I didn't each lunch until mid-afternoon. On my way home I stopped at Schlotzskys and I was starving. Then I ran over to Home Depot because I've been craving a viewing of floor tiles for the kitchen.

As I was getting out of the car I noticed my shorts were unzipped. Oops. At least I was wearing underwear today. So much for modesty.

txrad: that's because you walk around the house all the time with your pants unzipped.

konagod: no, it's because my brain turned to mush and I was trying to gather all my belongings.

txrad: you could be stopped somewhere and get into trouble. there are people who get arrested for that.

konagod: i'd say i just had a massage and was out of my mind. oops, i forgot to put on underwear and i forgot to zip my pants. what can i say, i'm forgetful. pot does that.

Sounds like a good excuse. Anyway, at this point you're probably wondering where the red wine vinegar comes into play.

Seventh Sister said she had something she wanted to give me before I leave. So I got this red wine vinegar starter kit. I just need to sterilize the big jar on the left, then dump the red wine from the jar on the right into it, add some of my own red wine, and stash away for 90 days, with a towel fastened to the top to allow the contents to breathe.



Oh, and I also scored some homemade soap, and some clippings from a plant which I can start.




Not a bad haul for getting healed. I always think of the bucks spent for a massage as being a splurge. Far from it.



Crossposted at Big Brass Blog, home of the big brass knockers!

This is Austin; Let's Have a Drink...or Twelve

Forbes.com has a piece titled America's Hard-Drinking Cities and Austin is on the list. In fact, Austin may be The One.
Austin ranks high for its drinking habits across the board. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's (CDC's) 2007 Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System Survey, 61.5% of adult residents say they have had at least one drink of alcohol within the past 30 days, and a staggering 20.6% of respondents confess to binge drinking, or having five or more drinks on one occasion.

But if five or more drinks on one occasion constitutes binge drinking, or if that's considered "staggering" then hell, I binge drink every night. Define occasion. Is that like one evening? Or is an occasion a shorter span of time, like when Rachel Maddow makes an appearance on MSNBC, and you do five drinks during the time she's speaking?

When txrad and I open a bottle of wine, that's about 3 glasses each so I'm already 60% staggered. I always have a beer after my wine. It rinses away the sulfites from my mouth. That gets me 80% staggered. So if I top that off with 3 or 4 shots (my shots are probably less than half of an official bar shot) so let's just say two shots, then I'm 120% staggered.

And when Bush is doing an address to the nation, that's when I'm likely to increase my intake. Who wouldn't.
Collegiate excess has repercussions far beyond hangovers and missed classes, and should be of concern to members of the surrounding community.

What a crock of shit. The surrounding community isn't concerned because... THEY'RE ALL DRUNK! Or high. Or both.

"Binge drinking hurts not only the drinker but also others near him," says Henry Wechsler, Ph.D., a lecturer at the Harvard school of Public Health, where he was also the director of the College Alcohol Study, and author of Dying to Drink: Confronting Binge Drinking on College Campuses.

"The binge drinker disturbs the peace, through noise, vandalism and sometimes violence.

I've got one out of three covered. I will be making some noise tonight. But no vandalism or violence. I'll leave that to my neighbor, the meth addict.


A scene from the Wagon Wheel in Austin. Yeeee haawww! Drunk cowboys!

RIP Bernie Mac

Too young to die.



Bernard Jeffrey "Bernie Mac" McCullough
(October 5, 1957 – August 9, 2008)

Enjoy the Olympics, Mr. Putin

And while I'm on the subject of assholes, I hope Putin was enjoying himself at the Olympic opening ceremonies in Beijing.



I'm not sure what Bush thought he saw when he looked into the eyes of Putin but it clearly wasn't a good soul.
Prime Minister Vladimir V. Putin of Russia declared that “war has started,”...





Yes, it certainly has.

Photo: David Mdzinarishvili/Reuters

Marijuana Abuse Defined

A SWAT team raided the home of a mayor in Maryland on July 29 and killed his dogs. FedEx had delivered a package containing 32 pounds of marijuana.
Police officials now believe the shipment was part of a scheme in which packages were sent to unsuspecting recipients and picked up by someone else shortly after they were delivered.

The chief of police finally called the mayor and his wife to apologize. Gee, you'd think a personal visit wouldn't be out of the question after the first "visit."

Assholes.

Meanwhile, I'm watching for the FedEx truck.

Friday, August 08, 2008

The Parade of Nations

Of course when the Iraqi contingent appears, all cameras would point to George and Laura Bush applauding.

And why not?

ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!

A Common Olympic Theme

It seems to be dog eat god out there.

This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by a third party.


Fucking scavengers.

Brought to you by...

The last commercial break in the 2008 Olympic Opening Ceremonies was brought to you by ExxonMobile and Chevy.

How fucking appropriate. Guzzle up, America!

義勇軍進行曲

The national anthem of China is "March of the Volunteers?"

How ironic. And who knew?

How a government can repress people capable of such beautiful artistry is beyond my comprehension.

Friday Pussy Blog: The Lucky 8s Olympiad Edition



Sissy spent the bulk of the day on the shelf behind the books. She does like to hide. Please disregard the dusty pair of shoes and the filthy old TV stand which we need to throw out. I've told you this office is filled with clutter dating back to last July when the home renovations started.



A close-up of the girl. She is so pretty and sweet and that fur is so soft. I just wanted to stick me head in there and snuggle that fur bag.








As usual, we had a rather large Tot Loaf sighting.



{yawn!}



I loves me some big orange Cat Loaf.




I leave you with one final 8.



That makes a total of 8 pictures. Clever, huh! That's why you pay konagod the big bucks.

Hunter/Edwards 2008




This is the year when Democrats -- especially the good ones who are nationally recognized -- should be showing America their best side.

Ummm. Just not today.

Cheating on your wife while she is busy having cancer is clearly not the best moment for John Edwards. I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but thank God he's not the nominee.
In an interview for broadcast tonight on Nightline, Edwards told ABC News correspondent Bob Woodruff he did have an affair with 44-year old Rielle Hunter, but said that he did not love her.

Edwards also denied he was the father of Hunter's baby girl, Frances Quinn, although the one-time Democratic Presidential candidate said he has not taken a paternity test.

So, he "didn't love her." That's gotta make Elizabeth feel just great about the matter. And his denial about being the father of the baby doesn't exactly carry a lot of weight since he lied previously about the affair.

Message to Obama: Keep your fucking dick in your trousers. This shit makes me nervous.

And it makes me furiously angry that Edwards would not endorse marriage equality while campaigning, and while cheating on his wife. Why? Oh yeah, because us queers are the immoral ones. I keep forgetting.

8.8.08

The opening ceremonies are going to be so cool in high def.

Photo credit: Chang W. Lee / New York Times


However.... Fuck China.





Photo credit: Chang W. Lee/New York Times

Thursday, August 07, 2008

The Pick of Destiny

If we win you must take your sorry ass back to hell.





How long until January 19??

I'm NOT the LEAST Bit Gay...

I just love having sex with gay guys.

That seems to be the prevailing attitude among many men in Mexico.
“I have never felt that I am homosexual because I have never let them make love to me,” said Eduardo, reflecting an oft-heard sentiment in Mexico and using language that suggested the possibility of other partners. “It’s the opposite. I penetrate. I have never liked it being done to me.” Still, he did not want to be identified further because of fear he might be stigmatized as a homosexual.

Oh, I'm glad we got that cleared up. As long as you just fuck men or let them suck you, then you're still completely 100% straight.

I'm not bashing Mexicans in denial. This is obviously common in any culture where machismo is ingrained which unfortunately includes most of the world. But it will be nice when we, as a group of humans, can move beyond this mentality. Above all else, it equates homosexuals as lesser beings who can still serve the purpose of allowing a straight macho man to empty his load into us for pleasure while he remains in a higher social strata.

Very convenient.

My favorite character from the New York Times article is the 69-year-old married man who is having an affair with a younger transwoman.
He arranges his visits to Yessica on one of two cellphones he carries to keep his life in order: one is for his wife, who lets out occasional homophobic comments and who he says would leave him in a minute if she discovered what was going on; the other is for his occasional lover, who is physically male but feels trapped inside a body that is not his own.

[...]

As for his sexual orientation, the older man with the secret life declared, “I’m not the least bit gay.”

His wife might disagree.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Planet Green

I learned about a new cable network under the Discovery umbrella at work and tonight we're watching it.

There are some stupid wasteful people on the planet in case you didn't know. These people in the program we're watching tonight are classics. They do stupid shit like leaving the refrigerator door open while doing something else with something that came out of the fridge and will go back into it later. Why exert the effort to reopen the door four minutes later.

txrad says they are lazy and he is correct.

God, how can people be so stupid.

txrad just got some cheese out of the fridge to grate for the veggie burgers and he closed the door. I asked him why he didn't leave it open while he was grating cheese since he was going to put the cheese back in there. I got no response.

It's quite amazing just how stupid people can be.

Especially when they have a 9,000 square foot house. And eight modes of transportation for four people.

Jesus H. Christ.

Their fuel bill is about $15,000 per year! What the fuck? Oh, I need some chewing gum. Be right back. Seven miles for a one-dollar purchase. Go figure.

Paris Hilton Finally Gets My Attention

First time for everything. The bit about that "wrinkly white haired guy" cracks me up.



Tuesday, August 05, 2008

I'm Calling 911 Because I Can't Get No Sex

I may not be the brightest human on the planet but at least I never called 911 because I lost my ass in a casino playing slots.

Hell, the idea is for the casino to make MONEY, right?

They call 'em "one-armed bandits" for a reason.

I'd like to know how much that slot "stole" because I could have a case against the Frontier Hotel & Casino... wait.. I don't think that's there any longer. Never mind.

And then there's the Subway sandwich guy. Click for video.

Jesus. Gas prices are taking a toll on the American psyche. No?

But wait, there's more.

(Because the video I had here would autoplay every time my page reloads I am replacing it with
a link.)

Some of us need Jesus. Yeah, right. Some of us need a padded cell.

Let the Games Begin

I'm eagerly anticipating the Beijing Olympics for a completely abnormal reason. I'm more interested in the potential for unexpected events which could disrupt the planned ones and potentially prove embarrassing for a country which should never have been awarded the games in the first place.

Where to begin...

Acts of God

Acts of Assailants

Airborne Particulates

Human Rights Violations

And of course, the Propaganda Panda.
On the ever-sensitive subjective of political protests, visitors are warned in no uncertain terms that protests on any subject from politics, to the environment and animal rights will not be tolerated.

[...]

Then again, few other Olympic cities have such an overt approach to propaganda work. Red banners have sprouted all over the city in recent days exhorting citizens to show their enthusiasm - and their obedience to the Party line.

"I participate, I contribute and I enjoy," a banner at the entrance to one of the parks set aside for "protest pens" at the Games reads. "Welcome Olympic Games with joyfulness and construct a harmonious society," says the banner at the other entrance.


But wait; there's more. Let's throw in the entire Bush family just to really ratchet things up a notch.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Yes, I Was a Slut

txrad said to me, "I'll bet you've never had a boyfriend make you a mango lassi before.

I replied, "Well, I had a boyfriend once and we were doing something with mangoes. I don't know if it was going to be a lassi or not, but after I had my hands covered in mango pulp we ended up smearing it on each other and having sex.

I didn't want to diminish his divine creation but facts is facts.