Saturday, June 16, 2007

Burning Sensation and Discharge

txrad and I were just talking about lye and lutefisk. I brought up lye soap.

It brought back memories of my teenage years when I would masturbate with soap. Bad idea. (Good idea with Aveda shampoo, but that's another post.) I'd take a pee afterwards and it would burn like Almighty Hell.

Then on my favorite stoner radio program, "Beaker Street," on KAAY in Little Rock between 11p and about 2a give or take, depending on the dope ingested -- by the DJ/engineer, not me) I'd hear ads (about the ONLY ads) which talked about venereal disease and one of the symptoms was "burning sensation and discharge," and instructions to call your local clinic for testing.

Well, after jacking off, I sure as hell had a discharge, and when I pissed after whacking with soap, I sure as hell had a burning sensation. So off I went to the free clinic to be tested.

This was a rather awkward moment for a 13-year-old boy in a small town. It started when I walked in to get tested anonymously and the receptionist happened to be our neighbor the next farm over. Just great.

I was then taken to a room and given a cotton swab to collect some of the discharge. "Jesus," I thought, "do they want me to jack off right here in the room?"

I tried but to no avail. So finally I just wiped some piss or precum onto the swab and called the nurse.

I waited anxiously for the next week or so for the results. When I finally called in, the person on the phone said, "You're negative."

I'm negative??? I have the fucking problem; of course I'm negative.

That really didn't answer my question at the time. Do I have a venereal disease or not? I finally figured it out.

But Thank God for the days of free and anonymous testing. I still love the early 70s.

But to this very day, I often wonder if that neighbor from down the road ever called my parent to say, "I think you better keep an eye on that son of yours; he seems to be a Tom Cat."

You know, people do talk. Nothing is really and truly anonymous. And things are getting far less so, in case you weren't paying close attention.



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