Details Derails

Awhile back when I ordered a pair of shoes online, I was offered a free subscription to a magazine and the choices were rather limited. I chose Details because I used to enjoy flipping through it when I was younger. They would always have cute guys in various states of undress featured in either articles or advertisements.

I'm not sure why I didn't simply pass on the offer because I was quite happy with no magazine subscriptions. Through the past few years I'd managed to rid my life of all of them.

Now that I've had 4 or 5 issues sent here, I am about ready to tell them to stop sending it. Cancel the free subscription. It's almost nothing but advertisements, many of them for fragrances which I detest, and there are several fragrance samples in each issue. I really don't want that stinky shit in my house.

The issue which I received this week is 164 pages and it took me all of about 5 minutes to flip through prior to discarding it. Pages 120-121 have a piece titled "63 Signs You May Be A PRETENTIOUS TOOL."

#7: You think about the lighting at restaurants.

Well, yeah, I do. Sometimes it's too harsh and sometimes it's so dark I can't read the friggin' menu. So yeah, lighting is kind of important. If that makes me a "tool," well, so be it.

#31: You've ever tasted notes in a beer.

You mean, something besides piss & water? Yeah, sure. I drink good beer. One of my favorites has a note of banana.

#38: You have a thing for typefaces.

Well, yeah, because some of them are pretty cool, and some of them look like crap. And this magazine is too full of them, all clashing against one another on page after page after page.

But seriously, they forgot to include one sign that you may be a PRETENTIOUS TOOL.

#64: You have a subscription to Details magazine and you PAY for it.